Death to Vegas

Killer blogging fast before the electricity gets shut off

I made it back from Vegas. Luckily I had my plane ticket hidden so I could not try and pawn it for some extra cash. I would tell you how much I spent, but since not everyone is a single travel nurse, the amount might shock some.

I lost a lot of money trying to play Three Card Poker. It is a fun game, but the odds are really bad. We would walk around a lot of casinos for several hours trying to find a table with the lowest minimum bet, and then sit down and lose all our cash in about forty minutes.

We went out to Studio 54 one night (not my choice) and sat up top watching everyone dance. Some people are not afraid to rub genitals together in a large crowd. It is also fun watching guys hit on the gals on the dance floor and get shot down. I was really feeling sorry for one guy, he hit on my friend Cathy with the line, "I dance, it's what I'm good at. Watch my body, I know you want to look at my face, but just watch my body." She told him, "There has to be something else you are better at." He did not catch the slight. She finally had to tell him she had a 300 pound boyfriend who was very jealous, to make him go away.

After Studio 54 we played more 3 Card Poker, for some odd reason, and then drunkenly meandered back towards our hotel. After a quick stop at a 24 hour Krispy Kreme we spotted an empty craps table and decided to learn how to play. Craps is the greatest game ever. It has the best odds in Vegas, and it is surprisingly easy once you get the basics down. We managed to play for a lot longer than we did in 3 Card Poker, and everyone gets really excited when the number comes up. I highly recommend the game to everyone. I also recommend heading over to Old Town/Freemont St. to the old, run down casinos. They have cheaper limits and more fun people to watch. I think this is where old gambling games and dealers go to die. We had a little old guy working our craps table who looked like he was chewing cud the entire time. He even sneezed into his hand at one point and then spent about five minutes studying the discharge in his hand. I quit putting my poker chips in my mouth after that.

We stayed up until 7am on the Studio 54/Craps night and then the next night I was forced to stay up until almost 4am by Cathy and Corey who are much older than me, but seem better suited for not sleeping. It worked out for the best, because on the way back to the room, after a lengthy discussion on how much money we had lost, they decided to try one more shot at Wheel of Fortune slots. I ended up winning 200 smackers, and quickly cashed out. No matter how much you lose in the big picture, if you win big on your last bet it is all okay.

Needless to say, I did not clear enough winnings to quit working. I also am not going to able to pay anyone to blog for me. You are all forced to listen to me ramble on for years to come.

Viva Las Vegas

Killer, hoping for the best.

I'm going to Las Vegas this weekend! It's extra special because I have been working the last 15 nights straight. I have a deal with myself. If I win atleast $300,000 this weekend, I can cut back to 60 hours a week. If I win $500,000 I will quit my current contract and go home right now. If I win $1,000,000 I will not only quit my current contract, but I will drive to the nearest airport and begin the greatest global odyssey the world has ever seen.

$999,999 and below is small enough, after taxes, to remain calm and rational. I would go home and invest in my future. A future where wiping ass is for recreational purposes only. $1,000,000 and up would undoubtedly throw my brain into overdrive and the impulse buying side would seize control in the melee. I would frivolously travel the world, paying poor locals to carry me from location to location, as I drink expensive, imported slurpees. That one dollar separating the two is a very important figure.

This blog would probably improve as well during that period of whimsical spending. I would be able to have some free-lance writers take my place. I already have my eye on a few people who are known to do a little free-lance work. Fringes, Neil, and Mist1 come to mind, I would add Mel, but I think she needs to focus on her current writing project right now. Everyone else would be encouraged to submit posts and compete for a paying gig. Unfortunately Liz is out of the running, since she already works here for free. She should really form a union.

I don't know about you, but I'm hoping for the $1,000,000. I really love to travel. I would even take Chad and Bam, my usual travel bitches, but they would have to walk from location to location. I can't afford to have the locals carry everybody. Plus, that kind of experience is much more special when you have someone who can describe how hard it was on foot.

This Friday I am flying out to Vegas, so I need all of you guys to throw out some mental mojo towards the Sin City. It might seem like I am the only one benefiting, but if you take a step back and keep an open mind, It's really gonna benefit all of us.

Except Liz.