Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Ass Flowers

Artistically posted by Killer

I spent this past weekend in Oxford, MS., at the Double Decker Art Festival. It was a grand old time. My best friend is an artist and has a booth there on occasion, so I come to town to help pimp his work. The problem with art festivals is that you only get a few actual art buyers, but a whole lot of art lookers. It is the art work that brings in the people, but it is the crappy crafts that get purchased. By crappy crafts I mean when a person paints a flower on a small mirror and then glues some fuzz around the edges and sells it for five dollars, etc. The crappy craft folk end up making a lot of money by selling hundreds of trinkets to the local yokels. I don't really begrudge them this fact, it just irritates me because I can't bring myself to buy a bunch of crocs sandals ($35 a pair), paint some pretty flowers on them and then resell them ($45 a pair). This was another crappy craft item available.
Are people who paint pretty flowers on crocs or mirrors any less of artists than those painting pictures or making pottery? Maybe my view of art is skewed. I tend to appreciate art that I could not create myself. I could paint pretty flowers on random objects, I just don't have the drive to do so. Maybe my problem is not with crappy craft makers, but with myself, subconsciously. Perhaps I am angry at myself on some deeper level for not getting my ass in gear and painting more pretty flowers on objects. I could support myself by flowering found items and not have to support myself by wiping people's ass. I am going to start immediately.
Here are some items that I have decided to flower.

This first item is a CD. It cost me about 80 cents, and I could sell it for 10 dollars, huge profit potential.

This next item is a tortilla that was in my fridge. It was probably too old to actually eat, which makes it's cost even lower. Cost about 25 cents, and I could sell it for 10 dollars. Even bigger profit potential.

This last item is harder to figure out the market potential. It is my own ass. I was born with it, so it cost nothing. The only problem is I guess I could only sell it once. Maybe I can use it as a performance piece and have people pay just to look at it.

The art work is more rudimentary here because it is actually very hard to draw flowers on your own ass. I suggest trying it sometime. I will point out however, "permanent marker" does not wash off. I will keep you informed on how long it takes to wear off.
I hope to see you at the next art festival. Just look for my ass.


Killer said...


charapa said...

Hmmmmm That's quite an idea you have going there. I think you could definetley make some money if you fine tune it a bit!!!! :P

Killer said...

It is too much of a coincidence that the title immediately below my ass is, "I Give it Two Thumbs Down."

Liz said...

You absolutely slay me. First of all, I am so thrilled that you're back blogging. Secondly, the creativity in the objects you're painting is beautiful... well, maybe not BEAUTIFUL, but certainly thought provoking and, as an art lover I can say this, appreciated.

I've always wanted to see a neighbor painted with crappy flowers. Not any neighbor in particular, just a neighbor. Can you make this happen for me? If not a neighbor, what about a priest?

MOM said...

The gang at UMC requests that you shave your ass before your next masterpiece. Tiffany said the flowers look like they have thorns. She also wants to know what that red dot is; maybe a personal viewing is in order.

Killer said...

The red dot is a testament to my inability to keep within the lines. It is not easy to color on your own ass.
I will not shave my ass, I don't want razor burn. I feel that it gives a greater folk art feeling to just use the medium as is.
Everyone is an art critic. "Art is anything done or made by man considered beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." (R. Gerald) I behold that my ass is magnificent, regardless of the critics.
Thank you for posting, please come again.

Kim said...

Killer, I think you were wrong about selling your ass flower work only once. I'd bet Liz's hairdresser could you figure out how to get multiple buyers for your ass work.

Sara said...

Nice Bum where U from? LOL I wish I could have a flower on my ASS...

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