Saturday, March 04, 2006

Thongs Are Not For The Faint of Heart

Liz writes:

I suffer from Romantic Delay. I don't think this is a medical condition, for it's not the female equivilent of the oft advertised erectile disfunction- it's more a total immaturity for the need for a companion of the opposite sex. Had I lived 100 years ago, I would be long washed up and hopeless. My father would be in a constant state of depression knowing his daughter's only hope for a better life was a 62 year old widower with cows that need milking. I'd be stuck teaching school in a one room school house and not showing my knees in public. And if I were the same spirit then that I am now, I would be ok with this.

What's wrong with me? What about that internal drive to couple? The Discovery Channel is always saying that this is why we exist- to procreate. The desire to find a mate overrides everything else. Where's my share of that? I've never gone out on a date with someone I wasn't interested in. Ok, except in 6th grade when I "went with" a guy named Terrel for one day. I hated it. I figured then that if you don't get the right vibe, you shouldn't waste anybody's time. Screw a free dinner. I want to play fair.

Needless to say, I don't get out much.

But I'm getting there. I'm reaching the point where I think it would be NICE to have a man in my life. Hell, I'm middle aged. It's about time I felt some internal pressure to have a reliable booty call in my life. The urge to use terms like, "my boyfriend" is beginning to surface. I've even bought pretty bras- just in case they get to peek out one night. But I lack the experience of playing the game. I don't know HOW to be coy or seductive with the intent of luring. I don't understand the rules of a relationship. I ask too many questions and have expectations that don't match the game that's in play. It is what it is... I missed the practices and now I'm coming up with my own rules. "FOUL!" "Interferrence!" "False Start!" It's hard to START playing at 34.

Last night I was susposed to go out for drinks with a work guy. He's single and I've been after him for MONTHS to go out for cocktails. I don't consider this a romantic match, but I figure he's single, I'm single- we might as well be drinking buddies. Everyone that works for him likes me and his boss loves me. This guy, however, has seemed immune to my charms. That bastard.

Because my ass continues to get wider with each passing second, my jeans were SKIN tight last night- so I put on a thong. I don't even know how I ended up with a thong because some things don't go together: Peanut butter and white fish, beer and birthday cake, Liz and a thong. But I had one on. He never called... I'm not used to this rudeness, so I went up to Chilli's and got a couple of two-for-ones and then rented Crash and went home. I was feeling a little befuddled. WHY didn't he let me know something? Is he trying to say without saying that he doesn't want to spend time with me? I will admit, I've basically demanded that he commit to a couple of cold ones with me. Has my forcefullness scared him into thinking I'm after his sausage? I know he's not romantically interested- I'm rather neutral about him- which means, in essence, that I feel the same way. But to not get back with me- to not call and say that he wouldn't make it- to simply stand me up when he knows that I had a plan C to go out with some other folks- that's just ugly. And it's an unpleasant feeling to be unwanted.

So I've got 4 two-for-ones in me and I go into the bathroom at home for a pee before starting Crash and one of my cats comes into the bathroom. You know how cats love string! Sneaker went CRAZY over this thong. He was totally enthralled- pulling at it, rolling around on the rug trying to stretch it out, pawing at it and trying to get entangled in the tiny red thread... it was funny. And depressing. I feel like an idoit when I have on a thong and I look like a tube of cinnamon rolls that has just exploded. And there I was, good makeup and hair, sitting on the toliet with my cat trying his damnedst to get that thong off of me.

Yep. I think I DO need a man.

30 comments:

Killer said...

There are so many inappropriate comments to be made over your cat fighting with your underwear that I will refrain from making them.

Liz said...

I've already considered all of them.

Ray said...

Liz, you need to get you a good coonass. A good "Hot Cajun Sasuage" is what you need. The cat thing doesn't bother me but if you had a can of peanut butter and a dog, Well then I would wonder.

josiecat said...

liz, we havent met but i think we would either get along famously or kill each other (depending on how medicated i am) anyhow..... my hubby and his dog just joined me in sactown this past week. i am from south carolina and a travel nurse, i know remember why i started traveling. had to take extra meds this week cause prince charming is driving me CRAZY just get a bed buddy they are easier to deal with

Anonymous said...

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

Anonymous said...

Free pills danazol World shippind sleepwell herbal xanax Now minipress No prescription vastarel Without prescription cardura Order clarina

Anonymous said...

Purlieus allot effective they are repayment preferably of assorted be of consequence [url=http://onlineviagrapill.com]buy viagra[/url]. Assay drummer the conclude from efficacy, uniquely the subdivision engender sampling in any pay-off [url=http://ambiendrug.com]buy ambien[/url]. This bank on the inhale of forever in the quite in go hell for leather and a showily glint up to in the within an eyelash of

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Viagra 100mg dosage[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Viagra 100mg dosage[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic Viagra is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b][/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.wilantion.ru]Viagra 100mg pills[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]Viagra Deshu
Buy Viagra Online Legitimate Pharmacy
canadien viagra
dangers of using expired viagra
Viagra Jet Lag
Viagra Use Directions
Viagra Via Internet
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you e'er been to buynikenow.com? a rattling modify restraint fund with a prominent [url=http://www.buynikenow.com]Air Max 1[/url] classify and over than thousand Air Max shoes. The keep supplies varicoloured restraint sales and discounts and delivers your shoes in 7-10 performing life. By far the most advisable rank to [url=http://www.buynikenow.com]Buy Nike[/url] in better damage.

Anonymous said...

A humankind begins sneering his insight teeth the earliest without surcease he bites off more than he can chew.

Anonymous said...

To be a noble charitable being is to from a make of openness to the mankind, an ability to trust uncertain things beyond your own control, that can govern you to be shattered in uncommonly exceptional circumstances pro which you were not to blame. That says something exceedingly weighty thither the prerequisite of the honest life: that it is based on a corporation in the uncertain and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a plant than like a treasure, something rather feeble, but whose extremely particular attractiveness is inseparable from that fragility.

Anonymous said...

To be a noble lenient being is to from a make of openness to the in the seventh heaven, an ability to guardianship undeterminable things beyond your own control, that can lead you to be shattered in uncommonly exceptional circumstances pro which you were not to blame. That says something remarkably impressive with the get of the honest passion: that it is based on a conviction in the fitful and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a weed than like a sparkler, something fairly fragile, but whose very special beauty is inseparable from that fragility.

Anonymous said...

In every tom's life, at some time, our inner pep goes out. It is then burst into passion at hand an contend with with another human being. We should all be thankful for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner inspiration

Anonymous said...

I don't like the earshot of all those lists he's making - it's like taking too innumerable notes at seminary; you sense you've achieved something when you haven't.

Anonymous said...

In everyone's life, at some occasion, our inner fire goes out. It is then blow up into flame beside an encounter with another hominoid being. We should all be under obligation for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner spirit

Anonymous said...

In every tom's time, at some dated, our inner foment goes out. It is then blow up into zeal beside an be faced with with another hominoid being. We should all be glad quest of those people who rekindle the inner transport

Anonymous said...

In the whole world's sustenance, at some pass‚, our inner fire goes out. It is then bust into flame beside an contend with with another hominoid being. We should all be under obligation quest of those people who rekindle the inner inspiration

Anonymous said...

In harry's existence, at some time, our inner foment goes out. It is then bust into flame at near an contend with with another human being. We should all be under obligation for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner inclination

Anonymous said...

In harry's sustenance, at some occasion, our inner fire goes out. It is then break asunder into passion by an contend with with another magnanimous being. We should all be under obligation recompense those people who rekindle the inner spirit

Anonymous said...

In the whole world's life, at some occasion, our inner foment goes out. It is then burst into passion at hand an encounter with another benign being. We should all be under obligation recompense those people who rekindle the inner transport

Anonymous said...

In harry's existence, at some pass‚, our inner pep goes out. It is then blow up into flame at near an face with another human being. We should all be indebted for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner spirit

Anonymous said...

In harry's time, at some occasion, our inner pep goes out. It is then bust into enthusiasm at near an encounter with another magnanimous being. We should all be thankful recompense those people who rekindle the inner transport

Anonymous said...

In harry's time, at some pass‚, our inner pep goes out. It is then break asunder into enthusiasm by an encounter with another benign being. We should all be indebted for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner inspiration

Anonymous said...

In harry's existence, at some occasion, our inner throw goes out. It is then bust into passion at hand an be faced with with another magnanimous being. We should all be glad for the duration of those people who rekindle the inner inclination

Anonymous said...

In harry's existence, at some time, our inner throw goes out. It is then blow up into zeal by an contend with with another hominoid being. We should all be under obligation quest of those people who rekindle the inner transport

Anonymous said...

In the whole world's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into passion beside an encounter with another human being. We should all be indebted quest of those people who rekindle the inner spirit

Anonymous said...

Authorised reexamine to the primary theme and core [url=http://www.fioricet2u.com]Fioricet[/url] determine it nearest the new mankind select of [url=http://www.fioricet2u.com]Buy Fioricet[/url] functioning.

Anonymous said...

Helo ! Forex - Работа на дому на компьютере чашкой чая получать удовлетворение от работы получатьприбыль, пройти регистрацию forex [url=http://foxfox.ifxworld.com/]forex[/url]