Thursday, March 15, 2007

Idiot Vernacular

Our spending so much time together travelling around, combined with our immaturity, brought about the frequent formation of new words to describe our actions and/or derogatory remarks of one another. It has been said that when myself, Chad, Clib and Disco get together it can be very difficult for an outside person to understand what we are talking, and subsequently, giggling about. Most often this is said by Clib's wife, Mrs. Clib.

Here is a list of some of the words/phrases we use in regular conversation with each other.

Anius: Combo of anus and genius. Refers to a person who has done something stupid, but thinks it was something great.

Cup of Soup: When you fart into your hand, or a hat, and throw it into someone else's face.

Grump: Poop (as in, "I have to grump" or "I'm feeling a bit grumpy")

HUD house: Outhouse/Porta potty/Pit Toilet (as in, "This campground better have a HUD house, I gotta grump."

Couch Monkey: A person who is living on your couch, usually over staying their welcome.

50% of Dick is Dick: When someone offers you a deal, but it is not very good.

Onion: A nice Ass. (as in, "Check that onion.") often said in an exaggerated Coon Ass drawl, Un-Yawn.

Turd Cutter: Also a nice Ass.

Fuck Me in The Goat Ass: A response to something unbelievable.

Crop Dusting: Walking in front of someone and farting.

Disrespecting an Area: A warning to others you just farted. (as in, "I just totally disrespected this 7-eleven.")

Nerts/Juevos/Cajones/Junk/Kibbles n Bits/My Boys/Das Nuts: Testicles

Go Balls Out: Give it all you got.

Sherm: Sex. (as in, "Did you see Sherm?" "Man, it's been so long since I've seen Sherm, I don't even remember what he looks like.")

Craptastic: When something is bad.

2 Cd's for Free: Asking someone if they want to look at your testicles. (as in, "Would you like 2 CD's for Free?...See Deeze Nuts!" at this point you must point to your crotch with both hands)

Brown Eye: Squatting over a sleeping person with your naked ass. (as in, "If you fall asleep, I am going to give you the Brown Eye.")

Zap: Gay. (as in, One time Clib came out wearing cover-alls with no shirt, we thought he looked like a gay, male stripper. Instead of saying that, we all kept saying "zap" to him all day." This is stolen from The Simpsons season 8, when Homer thought Bart was gay, because Bart was walking around with a laser gun saying, "zap".

zero + zero = gay: A way to tell someone they are not dating enough. (as in, "How many girls did you go out with last month?" reply, "none." "How many girls have you gone out with this month?" reply, "none." "Hmmm, zero + zero = gay.") To be fair, gay people could say, "zero+zero= straight"

Corky: Mentally or physically challenged.

Smelling European: Bad body odor. (as in, "Dude, you are smelling mighty European.")

Rick: When you are inconsiderate of your fellow travellers, or become increasingly annoying. (as in, "Quit being a Rick, and let's get out of here.")

2000 Baht: A reference to a hot chick, or a reference to a prostitute. (as in, "I'd give that chick 2000 Baht." or "I bet she charges 2000 Baht.") This is derived from the frequent price given (unsolicited) from Thai whores, while walking down Bangkok streets.

Corbin: A derogatory comment about a city or town. (as in, "This place is almost as bad as Corbin.") On one of our very first trips, we got lost and then the bike rack mysteriously snapped off the back of the van in Corbin, Kentucky, forever making it the worst town in the world. On a side note: Corbin is the birth place of KFC.

I am going to pound your prostate: A term of endearment, sort of like, I love you.

Do you and your friends have any special words or phrases?


Mayren said...

This was fabulous! Every group of friends and/or siblings have their own group vernacular. It's awesome. Catch phrases are usually derived from endless "inside jokes" and memorable experiences just like with your "Rick" and "Corbin"..
Ya ya .. i just nerded up this comment but see with my brother; "Hey Nerdy" is a term of endearment. :P

---Latest Vernacular spouted "Cracka Pleeze" cause we're caucasion---

heather said...

LMFAO!! crop duster indeed, seems my husband has a profession after all, unfortunatly, it looks like cheeks is all for joining the family business. i can see myself using craptastic. it has a nice flow to it.

Churlita said...

I loved those. Do you ever forget and speak your vernacular to total strangers and watch their blank expressions?

I think cup of Soup is my favorite.

wreckless said...

Since trying to reform my language, I have substited my own jargon for the usual cussage (I know that's not a word but I like it so what)
For example, I often say "mother scratching" instead of mofo
and "umphing" instead of the f-bomb.
The problem is that once you have sworn, it's in your head and when things get real ugly, it's bound to just fly out.
My friend and I had a whole taxonomy for beautiful women.
"Whah" is the root word meaning hot female.
So,... a hot mom was a mawhah
a beotch was a snotwhah
There were many others. I know there were other words too-too tired to think right now.
Go to my blog, I am interested in your carrots (no don't think that!)

apositivepessimist said...

My sister and I used to say having/doing a Chelmsford when we did or saw something retarded.

Chelmsford was a psych hospital back in the 60/70's here.

My favourite was "disrespecting an area"..I've been doing that a lot lately, thankfully I now have two mutts to blame it on.

Liz said...

Love this! It was not craptastic at all. As a matter of fact, this instantly goes in Best Of. Can you make that happen, Corky?

Jester said...

For a bunch of straight guys, you sure have a lot of references related to balls and things going into or out of your ass.

mist1 said...

Champ; as in "do you take it in the champ?" or "he's such a champ."

chad said...

aahh.. memories. it's been a while since i've heard some of those. they still crack me up.

Anonymous said...

I've have found your best friend. He has the same gay ass "crocks" as you. Explain the nick names for your friends....

Killer said...

You have no idea. I actually left out the MANY MANY homoerotic words we use for each other.

The Vegas Art Guy said...

Barley Pop: Beer
Dilbertesqe: Business decision so bad that it could have come from the comic strip.
Brain Sturgeon: Dumbass

I've also started using 'pharisee' in regards to 'Christian' leaders who act the fool. Think Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson...