Grooming Habits and Other Such Things

Befuddled, Liz Asks:

Is grooming yourself in public unacceptable?

I'm often found brushing my hair at my cubical but that's almost out of a medical need. If I don't keep it brushed it mats up and then no one is happy. You may also catch me applying powder or lipstick. Guilty. But what about these two incidents:

• Black male: clipping his fingernails, all 10, in the middle of a meeting and letting the clippings fall on the floor
• Black female: pulling her chin whiskers out, in the middle of a meeting, while carrying on a conversation with me

I mention the race of the "offenders" because I don't know if it's a cultural thing. Both of the people are educated, intelligent, and good natured. Both are over 40 and certainly not new to the work environment. I could be a "Mrs. Manners" prude here, but I find both of these personal grooming habits disgusting. I don't want to see these intimate acts performed in my presence. What's next? Norelcoing your balls during break? Waxing your bikini area in the office supply closet? Popping your zits at the lunch table? Digging your bellybutton lint out during Sunday Service?

I have also noticed that women's facial hair appears to be on the rise. I cannot look away when I see a woman with a goatee. And there is a lot that going around these days. Sometimes the hair is light in color, but thick in girth. Other times the mustache is so prominent I have to look for boobs to have a clue as to the gender. Then there is that whole curly but splotchy beard that some women have. My god! I'm always on the verge of saying something, but what do you say? "Wax that mustache."? "It's called Nair, bitch."? "Something about you reminds me of my dad."?

I will admit that I may be a little overzealous when it comes to grooming. This is the primary reason my purse weighs around 15 pounds and why airline stewards ask if I'd like to check my bag when I approach the counter. But I don't clip and pluck and trim in front of others. I don't WANT people knowing where my stray hairs lurk. I freak out just thinking about my fingernails laying around the conference room. What if somebody is murdered in there? 10 pieces of DNA scattered under one chair. Too risky.

I was once at a Widespread Panic concert and the concession woman had a mustache, beard, and a very hairy chest. All of this was in direct contrast to her size DDD chest, which was crammed into a frilly and low cut shirt. She wore a gold necklace with a medallion which I stared at when ordering my beers. Each time I would go back to the concession area I would get in her line. I wanted to see if the medallion was twisted in her chest hair before the end of the night.

It was mesmerising.

The woman was actually sort of a pretty lady, I mean under all the hair. I just wonder if she had problems getting dates. If I were a guy and my girl had a 5 o'clock shadow each day before I did, it would be a deal breaker. But as I said, maybe I'm just a prude.