Saturday, September 10, 2005

S.E.Asia Final Log

Well my faithful followers, I have finally rejoined you all in the great U.S. of A. I arrived back in Mississippi on Monday and have been recovering from Jet lag and a general crappy feeling ever since. I have a job interview lined up in Memphis this week and should be back to work in no time. I spent to much money and destroyed many innocent brain cells while in SE Asia. I really recommend you go if you get the opportunity. I have enjoyed writing you all about our adventures and hope you found them informative and enlightening. I would continue them, but I fear that my regular lifestyle could not live up to the adventures regaled upon you from far away lands. They would probably go a little like this:
Hello, I woke up this afternoon and went to work. (if I could insert sound effects right now I would add some crickets chirping, some wind blowing, maybe even a quiet cough from the audience.) well, I then finished working, came home and went back to bed.
Not to thrilling. You will all have to wait until my next trip. Chad, Bam and myself have tentatively scheduled a journey into Africa for next summer.
So in order to end on a positive note I will recap the most important lessons learned on my trip:
1. Although only larger than average here in America, I am freakishly large in S.E. Asia, and they love to point that out. (I can say fat in 4 languages)
2. When in Bangkok if the tuk-tuk drivers ask you if you want "boom-boom" don't be frightened and think they are offering sex with themselves. More importantly NEVER agree to go see the "ping pong show" no matter how curious you become. It is worse than you can imagine.
3. If you are walking by a street food vendor and notice roaches, crickets, grasshoppers, scorpions, grubs or ants in the food, don't make a big deal about it. They are probably supposed to be there, and are apparently a good source of protein.
4. When going through customs of a third world country don't joke around and say, "these baggies full of heroin that I swallowed are making my stomach ache." They don't have much of a sense of humor, and you won't poop right for a week after a cavity search.
5. When eating with the locals don't try to impress the ladies by saying, "I'll have what she is having." See number 3.
6. Bring your own toilet paper. A lot of Asian bathrooms forgo toilet paper, but do offer a water hose next to the toilet. If you are not familiar with spraying your own butt with a hose you are either going to end up with a soaking wet back, or a 2 gallon cold water enema.
I hope all this information is useful in your everyday lives. If you decide to go to SE Asia let me know and I can probably offer up some even more useful nuggets of information.
Thank you all for listening,
traveler extraordinaire

Thursday, September 01, 2005

S.E.Asia Travel log 11

Hola mi amigos, I once again come to you in this magical online world to keep you up to date of our journey. But, I would like to begin by wishing everyone well who is either in the New Orleans/Biloxi areas or has friends or family there. We have been keeping track of the disaster on the news here. I don't believe anyone receiving these emails is currently in New Orleans, but many of you probably have loved ones there.
We are currently in Chiang Mai, which is a small city in Northern Thailand. It is a great city and I recommend it to anyone who ever gets out this way. Yesterday we took a day long trek with a tour group up to a few of the local sites. We went to several water falls and a few local villages that apparently have not decided to move into the new Millineum, hell, many of them have not decided to move into the 1900's. The primary source of income for most the villages like this in the area is from tour groups coming to look at them while they sit around making blankets or necklaces. I guess it beats moving to the big city and being a garbage man, or a nurse. We also were taken to the highest point in Thailand. I should point out that were driven to within 50 meters of the top. There is no way I was going to walk to the highest point. I don't want to walk to the highest point in Mississippi, and that can probably be reached by climbing a ladder onto my house. ANYWAY, back to the point, the problem with the highest point in Thailand is, it is on top of a mountain, but it is surrounded by trees. You would think they would clear a space so you could look out over the rest of Thailand. I am beginning to suspect the guide realized he was running out of time so he just pulled over into the woods and said, "here we are. The highest point in Thailand." We could not look around to verify his statement. He did get us back to town on time, so kudo's to him.
We are flying back to Bangkok in a few hours, and my journey will be coming to an end in a few days. I am will back to the rat race with the rest of you. So, save me some cheese, and don't cure all the patients before I can get back and get a job.
See you all soon