Saturday, December 24, 2005

Back Tracking

I just went back and posted all the emails from my S.E.Asia journey to this blog. This way future generations can keep better record of how cool I am. It might be tricky, it seems you have to first choose July from the right side menu "archives" in order to see the very beginning.
Thank you for your support
ps: to check out corresponding photos from above mentioned trip check out the photo website.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Old Man and the C

I have come to realize that I am getting too old for my lifestyle. I am 32. I have reached an age at which people no longer find it entertaining that I stay out late drinking with friends or that I spent the weekend in Vegas gambling. I remember, not very long ago, when I would regale my fellow co-workers about stories of parties gone awry or tales of horrific hangovers that would be met with sly smiles of memories of their own youth. Now I see a different look. A look of concern and consternation. I expect to find pamphlets for AA or local rehab facilities stuffed into my locker at work. I am not sure where the cut off technically is for the youthful lifestyle. I am certain, however that I have surpassed it in the eyes of society. I don't feel guilty and I don't feel old. I just feel the same as I did ten years ago when it would be normal for me to act the way I do. I received an email today from a close highschool friend who now has four children and is a stay at home mom. Am I out of touch with reality? Should I be pursuing the domesticated lifestyle more? If my lifestyle is dangerously close to pathetic now how will it be viewed in ten more years. Is anyone going to find humor in a 42 year old single male, who spends the bulk of his finances traveling aimlessly around the world, drinking local beers and hitting on foreign chicks? I can only hope so since that is the most likely outcome. I fear that this whole lifestyle may be enabled by a sub-conscious fear of "the C-word", commitment. I won't even get a pet because it would be too much responsibility, even just a fish. I currently have a pet plant but even it has caused some problems. I have to find someone to watch it when I go out of town for prolonged periods of time. They need to have pet loaner services for people, like me, who only want a dog for the weekend. These pets would have to be good with people and understand their delicate situation of a fear of commitment and lack of ability to get the needed contact from a regular pet. Sort of like a prostitute, except one that might take a dump on your carpet. I think the prostitute would do that also if you asked her, but it might cost extra.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


A close friend of mine is planning to send his young, innocent yellow lab under the knife. It appears the vet has recommended that it would be a good idea to remove his testicles. My friend had been fighting this outcome since the lab joined the family, but alas, it has come to an end and poor Duke is going to pay the ultimate price. If removing the testicles from a dog can help to calm it and keep it better controlled maybe we should be applying this principle to our own species. Instead of placing large numbers of children on Ritalin, and other anti-hyperactivity medications, maybe we should just have them spade or neutered. I mean, we are becoming ever increasingly over populated, plus this one time "fix" would be less expensive than years of prescription drug costs. Don't forget the benefit of taking away some income from the evil pharmaceutical companies. When little Johnny won't sit still in class and keeps getting D's on his report card just get his junk removed, and voila, problem solved. The same goes for adorable, sweet Sally. You can't have her going around in heat trying to hump anything that shows up. This is why teen pregnancy is rampant in our society. I am sure Bob Barker would be willing to join the cause. He seems infatuated with having the reproductive organs removed from animals. I personally believe this is the key to his youthful appearance. He is probably 138 years old by now, but he is still doing that TV show. I would not be surprised to find out he has been collecting all these discarded testicles and ovaries and making some kind of magical salve or something that he uses at night when he sleeps in a giant helium filled tank. Having children spade or neutered would not even be all that traumatic for them. It turns out my friend is going to go through with the de-balling of his beloved Duke because of the Ig Noble Prize winning invention, Neuticles. This is an ingenious creation of prosthetic testicles. My friend is going to pay for the replacement of real, free-of-charge testicles for prosthetic testes because he, "does not want to stare at an empty sack hanging from Duke". If this invention is provided for little boys who are neutered at a young age, then they need never know about the whole ordeal. When little Johnny is horrified about having to shower naked in front of the other boys in gym class you can rest assured it will not be due to his "empty sack". You could even do what my friend plans to do and upgrade those babies, and get your kid a really large set of balls. As for sweet Sally, she could not see her ovaries anyway, so no harm no foul.

Friday, December 09, 2005

I Am Pretty

I decided to post a picture so you, my faithful readers can see how beautiful I am. I will take a moment to allow you to drink in the image.
I almost did not post it. I do not want ladies out there getting uncontrollably turned on by the photo.

A New Beginning

He we go, I am stepping into the wonderful world of "blogging". I don't proclaim to have anything worthwhile to say, nor any profound statements. I just usually want to talk, but have no one around to speak with. It will quickly become obvious that my train of thought derails so often, it is probably not a safe way to travel. I have not really researched any other blogs, so don't really know if there are any standards or practices I am supposed to uphold. I checked out a few while setting up this one and I did not really understand what was going on. Several were in foreign languages and the others I could not figure out what the writer was trying to say. There seemed to be lots of one or two sentence entries. I did not feel like investing the time and energy to back track through several old entries to pick up the story line. I hopefully will make all my entries independent and able to enjoy without much work. It seems strange to me that I could sit in my apartment in my underwear writing aimlessly and moments later a middle aged, widower in Sweden can be reading what I have to say. It is a lot of pressure to say something entertaining. What I say could push someone over the edge to kill themselves, or maybe just decide to quit reading blogs altogether. It would be a huge blow to my self esteem if I contribute heavily to the downfall of blogging. It is inevitable since I am always on the tail end of a fad. I was the last kid to wear parachute pants, I listened to hair metal way too long, and I still play with lawn darts. So read quickly and don't admit to your friends that you are. The only thing worse than admitting you have a blog is reading them.