You're Thankful? Me Too!

Liz says:

I've been hearing a lot about being thankful for stuff. I guess because it's the holiday season and THANKSGIVING was this past weekend. I am thankful for things too. Those things include:

• Never having any sort of crotch issue- no yeast infections, rashes, or worse. Thank you.
• Only having two nipples that belong to me. I once knew a girl who everyone SAID had 3 titties. So does/did Marky Mark. Yet he managed to be a Calvin Klein underwear model. I'm still glad it was him with three nips instead of me.
• Not having the money to get that tattoo Jody and I went to get. Hell, I was only 20. It would have been some dumbass hippie-looking tattoo that I would now see as an ever-fading reminder of my ever-fading youth. I'm GLAD I thought $12 was all I would need. The blessing of stupidity.
• I have excellent teeth and I know how to use them. No braces, no cavities since 11, and little effort when flossing. I'm really lucky on this one.
• I am very thankful that I can drink until past sunrise and still not puke. I've only puked from drinking maybe 5 times in 20 years. I think that's a pretty lucky record. The last time I DID puke from drinking, however, was BAD. I think it took over 12 hours before I had totally purged. That was unlucky, but fortunate in that I did not cause my kidneys to shut down and my liver to go into toxic spasms. I also left the place I had been with $160 more than I walked in with. Lucky.
• I've never gotten a speeding ticket, yet I speed everytime I'm in the car. In related news, I've given a lot of blow-jobs on the side of the Interstate. Double thank you.
• I'm also thankful that I can make a blow-job joke and you're not quite sure if I'm kidding or simply exaggerating...or neither. ">:-[