Sunday, July 23, 2006

Killer´s Central American Travel Log 1

Hello you domesticated bastards, I extend my warmest hello from Costa Rica. It is now Sunday and we are in a small town called Monte Verde.
We landed Thursday night in Liberia, CR and spent a few low key nights hanging out in that little, boring town that is Liberia. It is mostly used as a jumping off point for the rest of the North West corner of the country. We paid entirely too much for the hotel we stayed in and I was fully prepared to give it a horrible rating, but then we became friends with the owner/operator, who also is a very hot young lady.
We decided to forgo busing around the countryside or taking tours with tour groups and rented our own small four wheel drive vehicle and have been tear assing around Costa Rica ever since. They have a few highways, but they are all two lane. Unfortunately, most places people want to go do not have gravel roads, much less pavement. Usually the roads are just tightly packed dirt and covered in rocks the size of softballs. It is a bad testament to the road system when you can get a smoother ride if you aim for all the potholes. It has added an extra adventure to our trip and we are getting to see some incredible views of Costa Rica that is way off the beaten path.
Yesterday we arrived in Monte Verde, as we head South towards Arenal Volcano. Monte Verde is in the mountains and is a popular tourist destination for backpackers and people wanting to hike the surrounding rain forest. Today we went up to a adventure tour area and were going to do some zip lines above the forest canopy. Zip lines consist of a steel cable the size of my thumb that is extended from a high tree to a lower tree, you connect your harness to the cable and fly to the next tree, if you are lucky you stop before hitting the tree. It turns out that zip line operators are not fully prepared for a patron of my girth and did not have the proper harness that would fit around my supple thighs and ample waist. Once again a third world country has failed to meet the needs of the obesely challenged, so the discrimination continues. I left Bam and Chad behind to enjoy their zipping through the skies and embarked upon a canopy walkway tour.
I have been on a canopy walkway before, albeit in a Malaysian rain forest. Once you have risked life and limb on a canopy walkway that was built with no safety codes or regulations to guide it, one that has a strict rule of everyone having to be at least 5 to 10 meters apart as to not snap the ropes holding up the rickety structure, everything else is for chumps. This canopy walkway was structurally sound and made of all steel. It was five feet wide and hardly moved when you walked on it. In other words, it sucked. When precariously perched high above the rain forest, with at least 100 yards of tree limbs, vines, exotic birds and howling monkeys between me and the ground, I like my walkways the way I like my women, unstable and capable of snapping and causing me serious death or dismemberment at any moment.
The view from the walkway was great and I could see the zipline people zipping by above me. I have to admit I was secretly wishing the cable would snap and at least one or two would plunge into the rain forest below. Then I would not feel so bad about not getting to do it. I did not want Chad or Bam to fall, only because one of them had the car keys.
In the morning we plan on continuing over the harsh and unforgiving roads toward Arenal Volcano. It is an active volcano that Chad and Bam will undoubtedly want to climb up to get as close as possible to the crater. I never really enjoy walking up hill, especially if it is going to be getting hotter and hotter as we climb. Also, if there is an eruption I am pretty sure I can not out run a river of lava. I think I remember reading somewhere that if you are threatened by lava you should lay down and play dead. I hope I don´t have to test that theory.
I will talk to you all again soon. Have fun working.
Killer

3 comments:

gatey said...

Hey Killer,

Glad to see you are having fun (despite the fact that the blog was mostly you bitching...i could sense you were still having a good time). Anyway, keep me posted as I have been invited to join a group on a CR trip in November and am trying to decide whether to go or not.

gatewood

Mom said...

Since we haven't heard from you in a couple of days I guess maybe you had to test your theory. Did it work? Anyhoo, since we're all back here contributing to society (well, most of us ) the very LEAST you could do is journal every single exciting moment so we can live vicariously through you; say, weren't there some cannibal tribes somewhere in the rain forests? They'll be REALLY excited to see you! Love ya, MOM

gatey said...

Hey Killer,

You going to be back by 9/19? Wolfmother at the Daisy. It is GA, so no problem if you don't know if you want to go or not, but I could save you a couple bucks on shipping if you wanted me to order you one when I get mine.

gatewood