Saturday, March 25, 2006

Graceland Critiqued

Brought to you by Killer!

As it is known, I live in Memphis, Tn., at the moment. It is better known as the home of Graceland, Elvis' abode. These are some pictures I shot while touring Graceland with a friend from out of town. Possibly the biggest risk to living in Memphis is that every person that comes to visit wants to go to Graceland. I have been four times now. One time is enough to make me realize, I don't like Elvis. Like him or not, I do feel sorry for him. The seventies were an awful time to die and have your life frozen for the world to see. Everyone will forever come to Graceland and think Elvis was a Bipolar nut job for his decorating tastes. He is a living testament to the obvious fact, "You can take the boy out of the trailer park, but you can not take the trailer park out of the boy." Britney Spears is another example, but she has not had the courtesy to kick off and let us tour her house.
The top picture is of the "jungle room". It has fur covered furniture with hand carved wooden dragons on the arms, it looks like Wookie fur, but I am not certain. There are several animal carvings and figurines, including several demented looking "monkeys" like the one in the bottom picture. This photo does not do justice to the green shag carpet, especially since it is on the floor and on the ceiling. The second photo is of the game room. It has a very strange tapestry that is tightly folded and covers the entire wall and ceiling. Like all the other rooms it is a testament to over doing it. My head almost exploded trying to take it all in. The bottom photo is the T.V. room. You will notice the three televisions as well as radios and such. This room was a lovely bright yellow and black, except for the same awful green shag carpet used in the jungle room. I am not sure if it was left over or maybe there was a sale on ugly green shag carpet, but it is everywhere, like mold. I will once again point out the strange looking monkey in the bottom right. Elvis loved monkeys, but apparently had never actually seen one in real life, otherwise I don't see how he could have thought these looked like monkeys. All the figurines of monkeys looked just like this one.
This tour of Graceland made me take stock of my own decorating style. If I died today am I ready to have my life immortalized forever? I don't think so. I really need to step it up a notch. I would really put an inconvenient burden on my neighbors if my apartment was turned into a tourist attraction. The noise and foot traffic alone would be horrendous. Parking around my building is already bad, I can only imagine how much worse it would be if my millions of adoring fans were flocking here on my birthday and anniversary of my death to hold candle light vigils. If they froze my apartment right now it would not be good. Several empty beer bottles, a lot of take out containers, and dirty clothes everywhere. I don't have bad green shag carpet, but in twenty years who is to say that light beige carpet will not be repulsive and mocked.
I am going to have call my friends right now and make them promise that, if I die, they will immediately rush over to my apartment and clean up. At least hide the three foot stack of nudie magazines in the bedroom. Also put down the toilet seat. I don't want to look uncivilized.
And when all of you begin the biannual pilgrimage to hold candle light vigils and sing beautiful spirituals outside of my apartment please hold it down, my neighbors are assholes.


Liz said...

I love your intelligent critique of the decorating choices of our dearly departed King. I too have been to Graceland, but only once, and NO LIE- this dude and I got chasticized by the tour guide for giggling.

Your pictures turned out really well and I think you make a good point about having today's life "frozen in time" for all to see. Unless in the future EVERYONE wears a 38 F bra, has 5 cabinents dedicated to the use of or product of LIQUOR, and owns 27 purses, I too could be remembered as a bit of a FREAK. If they decide to turn my place into a shrine, please... remove all of my pants and put some size 9 jeans in the closet, hide any written references to or artifacts of Magnum PI or McGyver, and destroy my ONE BackStreet Boys CD.

I'll let you keep the liquor.

Charapa said...

This summer I will have lived in Memphis 8 years (OMG!!!!!) and have yet to go to Graceland. Since my sister is coming to visit next week, I had considered taking her. However, you have showed me all I need to see! I am quite certain that i would have nightmares about the monkeys!!!!
As to your apartment, I promise to visit and hold candel light vigils!

Cathy said...

What a true friend you are for suffering through Graceland again for me! Sorry to have been that tacky friend that wanted to go!