Wednesday, March 08, 2006

You're Better Off Not Reading This

Promulgation by Killer:

My back hurts. I don't really think anyone should be concerned by this statement, nor do I expect anyone to send me hallmark cards of condolences, but this is my blog and I have the ability to tell you anything. For example, I hate tomatoes, but I love ketchup. This is a totally inane fact, but I can tell you are captivated. I might say something important or funny, probably not, but you don't want to miss it.
I sunburn easily, I have eight hours worth of tattoos in various locations on my person, and I have so much body hair when I take off my shirt it looks like I am wearing a light brown sweater vest. You did not seek out this information, you would probably never think of asking any questions that would illicit these answers, but I am forcing it upon you. Consider me as a flasher, but of information instead of genitalia.
My feet stink so bad sometimes that it once caused my best friends to nick name my hiking boots, "The Beasts", and enact a rule banning them from ever being within twenty feet of where we were sleeping. San Francisco is my favorite city in the world and Corbin, Kentucky is the worst. I have on numerous occasions expelled flatus in an unconscious patients room, and when a fellow staff person comes in, I blamed it on the patient. I am not a perfect person, but I have known worse.
I hope you don't feel violated. I understand why you would not want to know this stuff, but I enjoy being able to dictate how well people know me. Even though you don't want to, I know you are still unable to get the image of me in a hairy sweater vest out of your mind.
All Apologies
Killer

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

hehe, haha (just because you hate that)....this was the funniest blof ever. I love your "lat it out there." And minus the smelly feet and sweater part, I have to admit to some of these statements. I hate tomatoes but love ketchup too and we all have blamed it on the patient. Thanks for being such a fun neighbor. Heather

Ray said...

Do you like Strawberries? I like salad but don't like lettuce or tomatoes on my burgers. Your feet smell because you do not take a bath every day?