Friday, January 06, 2006

HIPPA Violation?

I have previously mentioned my role in the healthcare industry, combine this with my eagerness to entertain and my ability to tell stories and you get many stories regaled upon family and friends. Tonight, however, a pinnacle has been reached. I have actually feared this happening before. You could even call it a phobia. I walked into my patients room tonight and he was engrossed in full blown masturbation. I am not sure if he noticed me or not. I immediately exited the room upon realization of what was occurring. Considering the vast majority of patients in our unit are extremely sick and comatose this gentleman appears to be recovering spendidly. Please understand, I would have knocked except these rooms don't have doors, just curtains. Curtains which are rarely closed. Don't get me wrong, I am no saint or prude. I just feel that some activities are not really suited for public locations. If the only thing separating yourself from a busy, person-filled hallway is a half closed curtain then all activities below the mason Dixon line should be limited to business related functions only.
I wish to offer up a helpful hint for all future hospital patients. When in the hospital, if you are connected to a heart monitor, do not engage in any sexual activities, neither with a partner nor self inflicted. Engaging in these activities can raise your heart rate and set of alarms and alerts bringing multiple staff members to your room to investigate. This will not only cause embarrassment to yourself, but can also be traumatizing to the unsuspecting staff. I may never be able to enjoy cocktail wienies ever again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When you have the feeling I bet you act upon it? The man probably thought it was kinda like his last meal or last chance if he is on the downward slope of life. Don't knock doing it in public atleast he did not ask you to help him or finsh for him after all you are is nurse?