Monday, January 30, 2006

NEWS FLASH: Hummus Terrorizes City

I woke up this evening with one hour before I had to be at work. I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom where I showered, shaved, applied powder to any high chafe areas, and dressed for work. The only thing left was to get something to eat. I trudged into the kitchen and opened the fridge. This is a list of the contents: 1/2 pound of shaved ham, a half full container of what started out as hummus, but now more resembles a high school science project, one bottle of Pyramid India Pale Ale, a jar with one lonely dill pickle, and a motley collection of condiments and salad dressings. My cabinets had even less: four boxes of cereal, all half full, the oldest dating back six months, the youngest five weeks. What to eat? I opted for a handful of shaved ham and debated the pickle. I have issues with eating the last pickle. Fate had determine that compared to all the other pickles this one was the least appealing. It reminds me of the poor kid who no one wants to pick for their team in gym class. I decided to let this pathetic little pickle wallow in self pity a little longer. I can't throw out the hummus for fear of what might happen when it reaches room temperature in the garbage can. It will have to remain in the fridge until I happen to think of it the exact moment I am taking out the garbage. The hummus will probably be in there when I move, or it will finally achieve self awareness and manage to escape it's confines. I only have myself to blame for the meager food offerings in my kitchen. I was off for one night, but could not motivate myself to go to the grocery store. Now I am going to have to go when I get off work in the morning, or be forced to eat the other 1/4 pound of shaved ham tomorrow night, and rethink my last-pickle phobia. I could take my chances with the hummus. If I never blog again you will know I went for it. I love to live life on the edge.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think every thing will be OK. Have you ever looked in moms ice box? You have eaten food their but when you come home she goes to the store and gets fresh food. Your not forced to eat left overs like the rest. Josh with his special ceral. Now you with the fresh food. The Bat Wing may want that lonely pickle?

Anonymous said...

BLOG READERS TO BLOGER ARE YOU MIA?
ARE YOU IN THE BAT CAVE. ARE YOU IN JACKSON BUT NOT TELLING ANYONE. ARE HAVE YOU PICKED UP A HOOKER AND SHE GOT SOME GOOD STUFF!

MOM said...

Since we havn't heard from you in awhile, I guess the humus got you. We'll plant some garbanza beans over your grave. Love, MOM