Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Yellow Mucus Eye

Liz writes:

I think going into the television or advertising business would have been a good match for me. I've always enjoyed writing and I'm fairly good at coming up with little jingles or catchy phrases. My new term is "strut". You may use it. As in, "I'm about to do the Wal-Mart strut," meaning that you're going to Wal-Mart. Or, if you're in a heated conversation you can simply say, "Strut!" as you pop your head and walk away. It's a multi-faceted word. I got the idea from a friend of mine who attended the "Chitterling Strut" in South Carolina. SERIOUSLY. I figure if you can strut a chitterling, you can strut anything.

So, being one who enjoys the complexities of my native tongue, I have found myself increasingly disturbed by the titles of some of the shows that appear on Discover Health Channel. It started out innocently enough with titles like "Born With Two Heads" "Face Transplant" and "400 lbs. Tumor". But last week I saw on my channel guide "Baby No Skin." OH MY GOD. BABY NO SKIN? Why? What happened to this baby's skin? I'm simultaniously saddened (deeply) by the name of the show and disgusted beyond belief. I don't want to know that babies can have no skin. At the same time, I think this "nick name" is cruel and not appropriate. Can you imagine the parents? They're grieving while waiting on a skin donor for their kid and some Hollywood producer calls and pitches the idea for a Discovery Health segment. "It will be great! We'll spread the word about Jonathan and his unique condition!" And the parents get all excited and agree and they tell everybody to watch the show and when friends ask, "What's the name of it, so we don't miss it?" The parents have to answer "Baby No Skin." This hurts my feelings.

This, for some odd reason, reminds me of a friend of mine (I'll use fake names to protect the child) whose 5 year old (OK, it's Kim's daughter) once took a gigantic crap. It can be surprising how much poop a child can hold. Darryl and I were talking about this at work one day and he was sharing stories of his kid's occasional extraordinarily large turds when they were little. Anyway, Kim's husband is in the bathroom with their daughter and he yells, "KIM! COME IN HERE QUICK!" She thinks something is wrong by the urgency in his voice. When she gets into the bathroom, he is pointing to this giant shit coiled up in the toilet and he says, "Look what your daughter did!" So Kim, being the most excellent mother she is, is talking with her 5-year old (trying not to make a big deal out of it or laugh) and making sure the child is all wiped up and ready for the bathtub and when Kim turns around, her husband is standing behind her with a camera! He was going to photograph this shit!!! To share with friends!!!!

I think that's hilarious.

1 comment:

Killer said...

The only thing that suprises me about Kim and Michael's proud parental moment with the feces is that they did not actually take the picture. I would have liked to have seen that.
They could have done a "my child has big poop" strut.