Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Jokes to never speak again

Spewed by Killer

I have an abnormal amount of jokes that include elephants. I don't know how my joke stockpile gained it's pachyderm problem, but it has grown out of control, and I need to do something about it. I am going to list all my jokes involving these large majestic creatures and then tell them no more.

What is the dark stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow natives

How do you know if an elephant is sleeping in your bed?
He will have a large E embroidered on his pajamas.

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
To hide in a cherry tree.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
It must work.
What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries out of the tree.

If you are in the jungle and you cum across an elephant what do you do?
Wipe it off, pull your pants up, and run away.

Why did the elephant strap springs to his feet?
So he could bounce into trees to rape monkeys.
What is the scariest sound for a monkey to hear?
Boing, Boing, Boing

How do you know if an elephant has been having sex in your backyard?
The grass is matted down and the trash can liner is missing.

What do elephants use for tampons?
Why do elephants have trunks?
Sheep don't have strings.

**While I am at it, here are some more bad animal jokes.

What do you call the Easter bunny with herpes?
Peter Rotten Tail.

What has a hundred balls and does rabbits in the ass?
A Shotgun.

A bear and a rabbit are sitting side by side in the woods taking a crap. The bear looks at the rabbit and asks, "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

What is green and red and goes 200 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you get if you add milk?Frog Nog.

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half of a cat.

What do you call cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a cow who masturbates?
Beef Stroganoff.

I fully comprehend that many of these are really bad jokes. They came in pretty handy when I was a bartender. My new profession has me spending most of my time with people who are comatose. They rarely laugh at my jokes. Nothing ruins your sense of humor like a subdural hematoma.


Liz said...

I don't know how I have lived "29" years on this Earth and have only heard ONE of those jokes.

Thanks. I'm ready for life now.

Killer said...

Did you perhaps live on another planet for a few years?