Pass the Tic Tacs

Posted by Liz
I wonder if the obsession with bodies is unique to the human race. Do male cougars have penis envy? Does a Doberman see another bitch that has just given birth and think, "I hope my titties are one day that big!" Does a pig ever think, "Whore," because the sow he is courting has a large (and always exposed) vagina?

Particular body parts seem to get the majority of the attention. You don't hear much talk about elbows. And although sometimes brought up in cases of deformities few people mention ears, backs, thighs, eyebrows, or skin. I thought this fascination might slack off some once I entered my 30's and my generation began to spread, sag and winkle. We're just not as cute as we used to be, but at least we're all in it together. I guess I expected the focus to shift to intellect and humor or kindness and generosity as the beacons of beauty. Instead I think that the fixation on breasts, butts, and penises may be even more pronounced than what I was aware of in my teens.

Maybe it's the mood of the country. I thought the Republicans were suspposed to fix that.

I bring this up because a co-worker of mine told me Friday night that he was hung like a Tic Tac but that he was as big around as a Foster's beer can. That's nasty sounding to me. I can't get this image out of my head. DO YOU KNOW how big around a Foster's can is? They're like little kegs. Do you know how small a Tic Tac is? Itty bitty! I know he was exaggerating, but he said, "I just believe in being honest. You can call my wife and ask her if you don't believe me." I declined.

It's something I didn't want to know about him. It's also an image that when I hear his name 15 years from now will leap into my head and make me throw up a little in my mouth. And if I do throw up a little in my mouth, ironically, I might have to ask someone for a Tic Tac.