Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Unwavering Sexual Confidence

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? It is very annoying, especially if it is a song that you would not listen to, on purpose, in a million years. I currently am alternating between two songs that will not leave me alone. One is "Where have all the cowboys gone" by Paula Cole, and the other is "I could have danced all night" from the musical, My Fair Lady. I am not sure if there is an underlying psychological dilemma hiding behind these songs, but frankly, it concerns me. I don't really consider myself an overtly manly kind of guy. I don't fear going to see Brokeback Mountain, I don't think gay marriage will end America, and I even lived in the gayest section of San Francisco (the Castro). But the combination of these two songs haunting me is troubling to say the least. If you listen to the words of "Where have all the cowboys gone" (if you google the song title you can find the song lyrics) It is not something a heterosexual male should be singing, "Where is my Marlboro man, where is his shiny gun, where is my lonely ranger..." If you are in an elevator and a 6'1", 360 pound man started singing these words it should invoke fear. If you yourself are a smaller man it could actually cause you to start whimpering and wondering to yourself if this is what happens right before a prison rape. As for "I could have danced all night", there is absolutely no song from a musical that should be whistled, hummed, or even sung softly under your breath, if you have testicles. What is more troubling about finding myself unconsciously singing this song is that it is often accompanied by an elaborate dance routine, and I must point out that I pull it off very gracefully. I have only seen one musical, in it's entirety, and that just happens to be My Fair Lady. This seems to be pretty conclusive evidence that going to see musicals really can cause permanent damage. I saw My Fair Lady over 12 years ago. I believe the only option I have is to take a few days and be as manly as possible to reset my masculinity. It will no doubt include putting on a wife beater t-shirt, watching all the Die Hard movies, and not touching any other dude's balls. Considering my present profession the last part could be hard to accomplish. I am going to get right on this project, right after my pedicure in the morning.

1 comment:

bones said...

i must say i think you have become complacent in your current romantic situation. YOU MUST REGAIN THE CONFIDENCE! i know you have the skills to land some hottie and stop singing show toons( although i must see this dance your talking about) Just remember Thailand! Show your size as a symbol of wealth and power in America! I do pick up that these are not really wavering your sexual confidence; more just filling blog space, and this dissapoints me. Not the sexuallity part, but about the lack of topic. But you can't be expected to the entertainment every night. As for any comments pertaining to Liz, I really cannot comment since i have never read one of her blogs. I will apoligize for any comments by my mother, as she is a raving lunatic(at times), but would like to meet anyone killer has this much competition with. see ya soon brotha-man