Killer discusses his life long dream of inter-planetary dominance
This is a rebuttal to Liz's blog lamenting the demise of Pluto. To fully appreciate this you need to scroll down and read the previous post first.
So, the loss of Pluto upsets some people. Not me. I have been wanting to knock out a few of the lesser planets for quite some time now. I specifically remember sitting in elementary school and when asked to name the nine planets, I would usually forget Pluto. At that point I made it my life's goal to rid the universe of that insignificant little ball of ice.
After years of lobbying the powerful, yet discreet, International Astronomical Union, my goal has been realized and Pluto is no more. Some might consider me the "Jack Abramoff" of the astronomy world, and I embrace this title. Literally dozens of dollars were spread around by myself and a few shell companies, greasing the palms of a few well placed scientists and their assistants. I am not afraid to admit that an occasional strong arm tactic, like giving a wedgie, is all it took.
Some of you might think that the downfall of a tiny planet 2.66 billion miles away is not really an important issue, but when your dream is to someday Lord over every known planet with an iron fist, controlling all inhabitants with a mixture of fear and a well oiled propaganda machine, then it is very important. There is now one less planet to conquer.
The second stage is now in effect. I am going to bombard Disney with a letter writing campaign until they remove that damn mute dog of the same name. I will not cease until the memory of all things Pluto are erased from the collective thoughts of society.
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2 comments:
Upon writing this post I was struck with an intense urge to incorporate my balls into the writing. They do seem to get the best response.
God hates you.
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