Monday, August 14, 2006

Embarrassed by Groceries

Liz relays a friend's plight:

This summer, a friend was swimming at my community pool. Also at the pool were some pre-adolescent boys, their father, and a couple of old women. Too many people at my pool for me to feel comfortable taking my tank top off and revealing "me" in bathing suit glory, but I can share sunshine while pouting.

So my friend is in the water- bobbing and weaving and swimming and playing- like all middle aged women should do frequently- and during her displays, these young boys, around 9 and 12 years old, kept diving under the water, bobbing back up for a breath and to defog their dive masks, then diving down again. No swimming, just bobbing. SEVERAL minutes later, my friend realized that one of her boobs had popped out of her suit. Those little rascals! Getting an eyeful! Well, maybe not an eye full, as she is not all that well endowed, but they were having a peep nonetheless.

When she relayed the story, we had a fine laugh. One thing she said is, "If that had happened 10 years ago, I would have DIED. Now, I just think it's funny and hope I haven't psychologically scarred those boys for life." I couldn't agree more. Although I would probably still be mortified if what happened to her happened to me, there are a lot of things that I am no longer embarrassed by that at one time would have sent me into a hysterical crying fit or caused me retreat to my room and sleep for 3 days.

Two months ago, my boss's boss's boss told me that my pants were unzipped. He handled it very delicately by saying, "I know this is going to embarrass you, but your pants are unzipped." It didn't embarrass me at all! If muff had been hanging out I would have been embarrassed but I don't find that to be a frequent side-effect of unzipped pants, so no worries. We had even had visitors that day and I had stood at the door and greeted all 80 of them. Embarrassed? Nope. It's not a reflection on my level of "class". Let she who has not had a wardrobe malfunction in her life cast the first button.

But today I was embarrassed by groceries. If you've caught up with my blogging, you know I've been out of commission for quite some time. This afternoon, I made the dreaded Wal-Mart trip and bought like a welfare mother when the check comes in (no insult meant to welfare recipients. They just seem to buy in bulk). I'm wheeling my 98 lb. buggy out of the store and ran into a co-worker whom I know, but not so well that I feel totally comfortable with him seeing my feminine hygiene products or the brand of mustard I buy. When he sees me he said, "Do you think you have enough groceries there? DANG!" And he was right! I mean, although I often cook for others, my cart made me look like I have a major eating disorder. I even had TWO boxes of chocolate cake mix. TWO. Why does a single woman need two boxes of cake mix? Well, I know why, but he doesn't.

It's the little things that make us insecure, isn't it? By the way, I have two cake mixes because I want to try and replicate a Hostess Ding Dong- you know, with the creamy white filling in the center of the moist chocolate cake?

Why did typing that make me feel slightly embarrassed too?


Killer said...

I have the same problem, I am very embarassed when I go to a super Walmart and buy a mixture of strange products. The other day, I bought one pack of underwear, two monster bags of imitation Splenda, a four pack of Lithium batteries, and a 24 pack of individually wrapped American cheese.
When I got to the checkout line I was actually embarrassed and wondered if the check out people ever compare notes about the most bizarre collection of groceries.
I know I would.

Joey said...

Tell me how the Ding Dong replication works out. That is one food that has certainly seen hard times. First they take away the trademark aluminum foil, then there was that period that for I guess PC reasons the name was mysteriously changed to King Dons. Not many foods have overcome the roadblocks of life like the Ding Dong.

chad said...

liz, was it napoleon dynamite that you ran into outside of wal-mart?
killer, glad to see that you've purchased those batteries, since you know i ain't gonna repay you for those i borrowed
liz, i don't have kim's #, so either call me and give it to me or call her and tell her that i'm going to my dad's tomorrow so we'll have to do movie night next week (kim, if you're reading this, call liz and tell her to disregard the above message).

Liz said...

I love all of your comments. Killer, we are not only united by the blog but by our shyness as it relates to Wal Mart and grocery purchases. Kindred spirits, no doubt. Joey, your thoughts are both insightful and inspiring. It had never occured to me to look at the Ding Dong as the pinnical of endurance. Chad, I ain't your bitch. Look Kim's number up in the book.