Saturday, August 12, 2006

Liz's "Tone" Problem

I am not a bitchy person. Especially since I've gotten older. I have really mellowed out and let (a lot of) things roll. However, when I'm quiet, I get accused of being "rude" or "hateful". This would be funny if it didn't piss me off so much!

I also recognize irony when I type it.

I do get frustrated with people's slow reactions. I do suffer from pangs over low-performance in others. I must admit that I have trouble tolerating intolerance. BUT I really don't have a mean streak; I have a teeny-tiny "revenge streak", but not a mean streak. I never yell (although I talk so loudly always that it borders yelling), I don't throw things- including fits- and I try to empathize with others. I care. Sincerely. Until I don't care anymore. That's fair, isn't it?

People confuse honesty with bitchiness.

I recently read a book on getting in touch with your inner bitch. I'm there- could have written the book! It was about living life on your terms and allowing others to do the same. Of course! What other way is there? I think "detachment" is a great skill- one of my talents, actually. If we don't see eye-to-eye and there is not a great need for us to be unified, I detach. You go your way, I go mine. I see that as BEAUTIFUL but I'm realizing that other's don't. I'm lost here...

Many of my friends share this characteristic with me, but not many of them at the level that I possess it. We are united in the recognition that approval from others is nice, but not at the expense of compromising our character or souls. We all seem to operate under the assumption that it's ok to honestly speak your mind- how else to find out if there is a base of understanding between two people? Once you know that there is commonality in core beliefs, true and strong friendships can be made and they last. Forever. I'm this way always- I'm the same person at work that I am at home. There is no "good Liz, bad Liz". "work Liz, home Liz"- it is always JUST LIZ. Love it or leave it, but please don't bitch about it.

I think one of the things that some people love about me and that some people hate about me is that I am theatrical. I don't try to be this way, it just is. It's never "I saw a nice sunset Thursday night," it is instead, "The most beautiful rays of light were filtering through the clouds, casting a glow on the Earth that took my breath away." I'm not lying about what I saw. I'm hyper-descriptive in what I saw. I'm this way with EVERYTHING. How can I be different? Really, that's a question. Apparently, this characteristic is a problem for some people. I try to dismiss them- detach from them- but they won't let me. You see my dilemma? THEY are not in touch with their inner bitch, and it's causing ME problems.

I would like to have a web page dedicated to people that suffer this affliction. It would be titled "Truth Hurts" and be like a "Dear Abby" for web readers. I would reply to all inquires then, always, the last line of my response would be "Fuck 'em" or "Fuck you"- which ever was most appropriate.

On another note, I think I have a mild psychological problem. I am in love with my pets. I try not to spoil my cats because I do not want them to be brats. I have actually gotten compliments on how well-behaved they are. I beam with pride at such statements. However, I feel this commitment is becoming something worthy of being committed. I am allowing them to take over the whole bed at night- to the point that I am having to sleep in awkward positions as to not disturb the kitties. There are two of them, and I am at their beck and call. I will get up at night if one of them refused to come in at bedtime- worried that he might be stranded outside, wondering where the love has gone. I don't want either of my boys to suffer any emotional damage. THAT IS JUST PLAIN PSYCHO. They are cats with walnut sized brains. Why can't I learn to say "Fuck 'em" and get the shut-eye I so desperately need?

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