Tuesday, July 17, 2007


Liz breaks through:

Classmates.com advertises heavily on the sites that I most frequent. I don't know what classmates have to do with my searches for "strobe lights", "Focaccia bread", and "nude Bo Duke", but these ads are everywhere.

I'm so frozen in time that I frequently see a teenager and think I know him. This is because he LOOKS like someone I went to school with 20 years ago, and looks like the guy I went to school with looked 20 years ago. I'm doing this more and more often. I'll make eye contact and give that familiar, "Hey... don't I know you" sideways tilt and smile, and then the young man will freeze with terror and run away. I think kids around here think I'm a narc.

The opposite happens too. I'll see this old guy and think, "Hey... he kind of looks like my dad's friend, Catfish," so I'll smile and next thing you know, he's sitting beside me. He's sitting beside me and he's 2 years younger than I am.

What the fuck happened?

Everyone told me that once I hit 30 things would all start going downhill. Then, I made it past 30, to the surprise of some, and now I hear that 40 is rough and that I will forever be a "ma'am". But you know what? Some chick at the Shell station asked me if I was old enough to purchase the beer I sat on the counter just last week. Instead of being thrilled, I was sad. It's like I knew that was the last time I'll ever be asked that question. And someone should seriously do a drug test on that clerk. I'm 35.

And I will continue to be 35 for several more years.

I like to think of my wrinkles and gray hairs as my disguise. I can still drink with you until dawn, I still like to prowl occasionally, and I still listen to the best songs at full volume. I'm still considering getting my ears double-pierced; something I was forbidden to do as a teenager. Only now, I look like I'm a decent, upstanding, well organized early middle-aged woman who can be trusted. It helps when going through road blocks, trust me.

In a couple of years, we'll have our 20 year high school reunion. To make a long story short, I think I'm supposed to get the ball rolling on this. I have NO interest in organizing this thing this time. I was part of 10, but now I'm so over it. Besides, I see people I went to high school with all the time.

Only they're still 17 and I'm 36.

Another thing I've noticed: Yahoo! is my email service, so when I log on, the first thing that comes up is Yahoo! News. I've noticed that for the past week there is a headline story that Al-Quida is plotting attacks on U.S. soil. Ya think? I can't bring myself to click on that article to read more. I mean, I've just been assuming that they were plotting new attacks. Hasn't everyone? Haven't we known this was coming? How is this news? It's sort of like announcing that there is this thing called, "cellular phones".

I'm not being cynical and, of course, I'm scared over it all, but come on. Maybe it's just the way they worded the headline. Maybe "New Plots Discovered" wouldn't seem so... condescending.

So... should I read this article or is it simply more of what I already know?


Killer said...

I am refusing to read any more "Al Qaeda plans" headlines, unless they something unique like, "Al Qaeda gets bored with fucking with America and turns it's attention on China."

I comfortably rest in the knowledge that I am younger than you.

Babybull40 said...

Hate being called Maam... it really sucks at 41 nevermind at 40.. Or being asked if I am a Grandmother.. I want to kick in them in the shins.. you thought I was going to say balls.. I wouldn't do that to Killer or any other guy.. not that they don't need it once in a blue moon.. Middle age atarts at 40.. not 35...lol

Wavemancali said...

Emo Phillips does the best joke on your main topic today:

"I was in the park the other day and who do I happen upon but my old grade school chum Billy Johnson.

I walk up and slap him on the back and say Billy, how you doing you nose picking, glue sniffing, brilliant bastard?

And he's like all mommy mommy, help me, help me. and then I realize hey, wait a minute, if this was really Billy Johnson, he would have grown up too."

Click the link, read the story, be informed.

dmarks said...

"I've noticed that for the past week there is a headline story that Al-Quida is plotting attacks on U.S. soil. Ya think?"

How about every time some congressman does something bad, they have these party hacks from both sides on all kinds of shows ... to give us the amazing revelation that the hack from the same party thinks the bad guy is good and the hack from the other party thinks the bad guy is bad?

Natalie said...

Don't click on it. It will simply tell you that they think that Al Qaeda has enough infrastructure to pull something off and likely will in the next few years. Just a bunch of vague stuff set to scare the crap out of people.

Churlita said...

I wish my dad had a friend named Catfish.

I'm 42, but I still act like I'm 12. My daughters are already too mature for me.

Liz said...

Killer, If I remember correctly, you even scored younger than me on the Real Age test. When will you take up somking?!

All, I thought it would be more of the same. I'm glad you, at least, are staying abreast of the situation. Please alert me if I need to raise my personal terror alert to red. Thanks.