Thursday, July 12, 2007

This Post is About Nothing

I don't wish to rub any of you cubicle monkey's faces in this fact, but I am off work for at least the next two months.

What do I have planned for that time? A lot of nothing. Some of that nothing will take place in America, some will take place in the Philippines, but nothing still the same.

I love doing nothing. In high school when we had to do a video interview stating what we would be doing in ten years, mine really said, "nothing...I hope to be homeless and surviving by doing absolutely nothing at all."

I can now say that I manage to make that dream come true at least three months out of every year. Sure I might have to work really hard for a few months to achieve this, but nothing can match the sheer happiness I feel when I wake up that first day and think to myself, "What do I have to do today? Oh yeah, not a damn thing."

I will even set my alarm clock for the first few days, just so I can happily hit the snooze button a hundred times, or even slap it off the table and keep on sleepin' on.

Hell, I'm writing this post while still in bed. I think I am going to hire a private nurse to come in for a few days to give me bed baths and clean me up when I go to the bathroom in the bed. I really want to take my nothingness to a whole new level.

If someone happens to be in the area, could you stop by and bring my cell phone to me? I hear it ringing in the other room, but I'm not getting out of bed to retrieve it. I figure if it is really important they will drive over here and tell me.


chad said...

well what do you know? i too have the great pleasure of having absolutely nothing to do over the next couple of months. take that, cubicle monkeys!! i'll look forward to some serious lounging once you and your balls have returned to mi'sippi

Mayren said...

you already know i'm jealous.
You just better post on your nothing-ness so we can live vicariously thru you punky!

and I resemble that remark about being a cubicle person-thingy... (*sniffles*)

apositivepessimist said...

I knew a lot of FatHairyBalledBastids that used to frequent the Phillipines…I’m hoping your visiting reason is so not the same.

Ooh ou I used to do that trick with my alarm clock just so that I could hit the snooze a few times and have the thought of yeaaah haha up yours bastid alarm clock.

Yeah don’t think THAT doesn’t concern me that we have similar actions.

I can only dream of being a cubicle monkey.

Killer said...

You are going to be doing something, getting my beers. You know what happens when you don't bring me a beer while I'm lounging in bed...that's right bitch, you know.

I will keep you updated on nothing. I didn't mean to hurt your cubicle monkey feelings. I had read you could feel no pain after years of numbing by the fluorescent lights. I guess I was wrong.

No, I am not going for that, but it seems to get brought up a lot. I love the cheap living and the cheap diving.

othurme said...

What a dumbass. I took three months off for a transplant last year and I didn't have to work hard the rest of the year. While I was off I got gifts from friends all the time, people drove me everywhere, and my medical insurance made sure I always had the hard party drugs. Work hard? What a maroon!

Killer said...

Quit bragging about your new shiny kidney

erjunkie said...

Yea, so what maybe I like the alarm going off at 445 am...Oh damn the streaming tears from my blasted pitiful, serflike life has shorted out my keyboard...gotta go to sleep so I can do it all over again, I am such a loser...

Eris said...

Wait a minute, I smell something fishy! The phillipines, eh? I remember you mentioning all the coworkers trying to marry you off to their daughters in the phillipines. You're going there to get the milk with the promise of buying the cows and they you are disappearing into the night like an american GI! You bastard!

heather said...

now ~that~ sounds like the vacation i'd like.