Monday, July 16, 2007

Wine Glass Half Empty

Liz gets all negative and shit:

I've told you how wonderful Italy is. And it is. I've told you how great my trip was. And it was. But what I haven't told you is about one of my traveling companions. Her role in the adventure was to remind me that no matter how many miles you may travel, there is always going to be an asshole within 30 feet of you.

See. There I go judging and immediately trying to gain your support. That's so unfair. Let me just lay it out here and let you decide for yourself. Ass or not an ass? It's the blogshow everybody loves!

  • When told we were going to the Coliseum, she crossed her arms and said, "I'm not going to look at another fucking pile of rocks!"
  • Had her dad pay for a $350 haircut, countless souvenirs, a $375 Prada purse, and the entire trip, but moaned about toting SOME of her own luggage.

  • Behaved like a boorish American jerk to the locals- and got chewed out by two of them.

  • Sneered and asked a waiter, "Is this FRESH?"

  • Made us very late for meeting someone at lunch after assuring us that she would be in a store for no more than 15 minutes. Was in the store 52 minutes and didn't come out until her dad went in after her.

  • Ordered, but never asked, for most everything from all traveling with her.

  • Stomped her foot twice, that I saw.

  • Lagged behind always, even when asked to RUN so that we wouldn't miss things like trains and buses.

  • Always got these convenient stomach aches whenever we were doing something she didn't want to do.

  • Talked constantly about her daughter or husband.

  • Wouldn't let us watch BBC CNN (the only English TV station) because her husband is in Iraq and they might mention it on the news.

  • Talked about when her uterus was going to shrink back, even though I requested that she stop asking people about her uterus.

  • Would SAY she'd split the cost (if her dad wasn't around), but would never offer to pay you back. I'd have to ask- even though her ENTIRE trip was FREE.

  • Asked, more than once, what Pompeii was and why we had to go there.

  • Tried to con others into carrying her luggage (Kim turned this one on her once and made HER carry ours!)

  • Cried twice.

  • Stayed on her cell phone 50% of her waking moments.

  • Incorrectly identified all male statues as "Jesus".

  • Made it clear, on multiple occasions, that she had come to Italy for one thing and one thing alone- Shopping.
I know. You're thinking that I'm talking about a 14 year old, aren't you? Nope. She's like 23 or 25 or something. So, am I wrong, or is she an asshole?

To balance out the bitching, here are some more pictures:


Roadchick said...

She's an asshole.

And lucky y'all didn't leave her behind somewhere.

Killer said...

After the first few items, I think you can legally kill her in Italy.

meghansdiscontent said...

You're certainly NOT wrong.

erjunkie said...

I hate her and I want her to die. And I know how to do it without leaving marks!

Mr Atrocity said...

Ass; clearly only suitable as foundation material for a new bridge over a highway. Where is the mob when you really need them?

mist1 said...

I think it's legal to drown annoying travel companions in Italy. I've also heard that drowning shrinks the uterus.

Babybull40 said...

She's an asshole.. Why didn't you all leave her behind when out doing the touristy thing? Sounds like my neighbour.. did she happen to bump into you there? lol

Mayren said...


OMG Liz! How did you stay sane?
I think you should now be Cannonized as a Saint.
Honestly, in the real world you must be hella nice since you didn't ditch her once.

I seriously thought you were talking about a young teeny-bopper until i read the line about "daughter and husband".
I would have slapped her at least once in order to "calm" her down.
Liz - go back to Italy... hurry! You need to see it for real. Hell I need to see it for real.

Wavemancali said...

All I can ask is why on earth would you subject yourself to travelling with someone like this?

After the first 4 things I would honestly make it clear to anyone else in the travelling party that I would no longer be travelling with that person.

I don't know which I condsider worse, assholes, or idiots. Clearly this being (I won't grace her with the title of woman) is both.

Natalie said...

She is most certainly an asshole.

Anna said...

Asshole. No question.

othurme said...

Liz - I don't get it, why exactly do you need to see Pompeii? You can see ancient cities buried by volcanic eruptions all over the south. They're like Walmarts!

Mist - I think it's feed a uterus, drown a fever. That's how my mother said it anyways.

Liz said...

I knew it!

I'm thinking about doing a monthly "Ass or Not an Ass" quiz. Sort of like Letterman's "Will It Float". For those of you tuning in early, here's a hint: They will always be an ass.

Thanks for playing along!

Killer said...

please don't make me the subject of any Asshole or Not Asshole contests.

dmarks said...

Just catching up on this. All of your pictures are better than mine :)

Eris said...

I am snorting hysterically here---identified all male statues as Jesus? OH MY GOD, that is the funniest freaking thing I have ever, ever heard in my life. Ever. I am not exageratting. Ever!

And I would say she is a royal bitch, but asshole is good too.

*snickers* Jesus!

Mel Francis said...

I'm just catching up here.

She was definitely an asshole. She might even rank right up there with assmonkey. I'm not sure.

Glad you made it back safely and I hope you were able to enjoy the trip despite the gaping piehole you had to travel with.