Monday, July 02, 2007

When Liz is Away Killer Will Play

Killer posts in the nude

By now Liz should have landed on foreign soil. She has probably inhaled a couple bottles of fine Italian wine and molested at least one Italian waiter. I have no doubts that the prior 6.5 years of damage to America’s popularity in Europe will be vastly improved with one week of Liz’s presence there. It is the kind of place that was made for her. Everyone drinks, smokes and is not afraid to show of a little Moose Knuckle.

As for the Liz-less Killer Rants, well, I am enjoying the privacy. I can finally stroll around in here with my pants off. Not that I wouldn’t do that with Liz around, but now there is no annoying giggling and pointing going on.

I have noticed that things don’t seem to smell as nice without all the fancy candles she keeps lit, not to mention the constant barrage of air freshener she sprays every time someone (IE. Me) expels a little flatus. I did not realize how unpleasant I can smell. Not so unpleasant as to stop, but enough that I might help her pay for the next batch of Yankee Candles.

The big question is, will Liz post from Italy? I hope she is so enthralled with the ancient runes and Italian beef cakes that she doesn’t even think about us, but there is always the possibility of her getting tired of being with her travel companions and seek solace in a quiet internet cafĂ©. Even your BFF can become annoying after a few days of constant companionship.

I just hope she doesn’t catch sight of the Pope. She will probably get arrested for throwing things at him in an attempt to knock off his funny hat. She isn’t anti-Catholic, she’s just anti-funny hat.


laughingattheslut said...

I think you should get some of that DMSO stuff, rub it on your a**, and sit on one of those Yankee candles until it melts.

hellohahanarf said...

sounds like you miss her already...

Churlita said...

Aw. How cute. You miss Liz.

i sure hope she does decide to post while in Italy. It's nothing against you, it's just that she does smell better. What can I say?

Babybull40 said...

Ahh issn't that sweet... I like the fact that she would knock the Pope's hat off.. it doesn't really do much for him.. Someone ought to show him that we don't where robes anymore... Maybe Liz can persuade him to shorten the length of his robes... and lose the hat.. Maybe he's hiding a Mooseknuckle ..

Killer said...

Sounds kinky

I only see Liz about twice a year. I miss her in spirit.

Smell isn't everything.

Oh, you are going to hell for that.

Mel Francis said...

I'd pay good money to see liz knock the pope's hat off his head...

heather said...

can we all make donations and ~pay~ liz to knock the hat off of the pope?