Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The Truth Behind Killer's Balls

Liz is still gone, and I had several requests to really let me balls hang out.

You asked for it.

Killer's top ball facts:

I don't really know when my balls became my unofficial theme. I think I made a few off hand comments and someone commented, "You talk about your balls a lot." So then it became a challenge, and then it snowballed. I don't discuss them much in real life.

The Environmental Protection Agency has listed my balls as Protected Marshlands. Apparently there is a rare species of Albino Cave Crab that has made it's home down there.

I was going to wax them recently but some hippies chained themselves to my balls, in the back near my ass crack, to protect the Albino Cave Crab habitat. I had trouble sleeping, because they kept singing and beating bongos all night.

I rub expensive facial creams and sleep with a mud mask on my balls to prevent wrinkles.

I like to lay naked outside in the early morning, because when the sun rises over my balls the views are magnificent. The crabs enjoy it also.

My balls have contemplated moving several times because they hate their neighbors. One is a dick and the other is an asshole.

There are legends that in the deepest foliage on my balls a small flower grows that can cure cancer. A few years back a team of scientists went in to find it. Only one returned and he has never spoken since.


Mel Francis said...

I. Heart. You. Balls and all.

Babybull40 said...

It wouldn't be the same without your "Balls"... BTW Does Liz know what you doing with your Balls? cause she might get jealous...he he

Mayren said...

Your Ballz have facts very similar to Chuck Norris.... are you really chuck's younger Brother?

hellohahanarf said...

in honor of today's post...a joke for balls and nurses:

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body.
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he may split his sutures from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir !!”
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely ...
Are - my - test - results - back?

Churlita said...

If you want to get laid again in the near future, you probably don't want to go on and on about your crabs.

Killer said...

My balls heart you back.

Liz may not want to know, but it is hard not to notice.

My balls and Chuck were raised by the same pack of wolves.

If I only had a dollar for every time I made that mistake in the hospital.

I would indeed like to get laid in the near future, so I will have to heed your advice.