Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dear Beer

Liz and the bottle:

I wish that everyday I drank lots and lots. My lifestyle cannot support me being an alcoholic, so I use it sparingly. But I love it. Really. I think that if it weren't for the liver issues and premature aging, oh, and having to work, I would drink a frosty with meals and between meals.

I think I've passed the danger zone for being an alcoholic, so I feel I can now, finally and freely, express my love.

Dear beer,

I'm writing to express my gratitude for your services. You bring out the silly girl that lives in my soul and makes her dance and try to french inhale. You put seduction behind my eyes and lull me into the sweetest of slumbers. It is you who have provided me with the ability to give coy glances. You help me make selections when I'm doing online shopping. You have taught me that "too much of a good thing" isn't just a cliche. You foam up and express your joy at being selected to join me before dinner. How I adore our time together.

With you by my side, I have been in my only fist fight in a public facility, driven home naked at sunrise, and seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I made it to third base with you near me. I called friends I hadn't spoken to in years. Good times.

That's what makes telling you this so difficult. I am drinking a Riesling. It doesn't mean I'm not still fond of you, I've just discovered a different kind of buzz that wine can provide. I'm not saying it's better.... it's just different.

You and I have been together a long time. We'll always be there for each other, but I think the time has come that you see other people during the week. At least a couple of days a week. I'll still be around on weekends. You can depend on me to call on you. I swear to you, I WILL KEEP IN TOUCH.

Please, keep cool. I'll be looking for you soon!

All of love and admiration,

I just poured a Riesling that is so clear it sparkles. When I drink it, it dances on the back of my tongue and says, "I love you". I love you too, Riesling.


Killer said...

How can you just turn you back on beer? Oh sure, you say it is just a chance to see others, but we all know what that means.

Someday soon, Beer will come home from a hard day at the office to find you passed out in bed with an empty bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 resting betwixt your cleavage.

I hope Beer is brave enough to walk away before it gets hurt.

Babybull40 said...

Riesling is hard to turn down after the first couple of glasses.. let the beer go for awhile.. he needs his space.. he is upset and jealous of Riesling right now..he doesn't understand your infatuation.. Just tell him there is nothing to understand, just accept it..

Churlita said...

So, what? You can't date both at the same time? They both can give you different things. You shouldn't totally turn your back on beer.

hellohahanarf said...

damn i could have written that! (except chardonnay is my wine buzz of choice.)

thing is, beer is like a first born always love that kid even when a new baby comes along. you can appreciate them both for the amazing individuals that they are.

add in babies tequila & vodka and it is just one big ole happy family.

Red said...

Sometimes a Riesling will do things that a beer just won't. Does it make you a bad person for wanting those things? No. But these choices are never easy.

Liz said...

I think Hello best explains how I am conflicted. I do still love my beer, but beer doesn't seem to love ME like he used to. Sometimes, a break from each other can only make your bond stronger.