Monday, June 25, 2007

Gender Bending part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Killer puts words into Liz's mouth

I've been channeling the spirit of Liz. I would have written this post sooner, but I spent the first few days looking at me (Liz) in the mirror naked. Nice!

The Top Facts I, Liz, Don't Want You To Know

I used to work for the Mississippi Board of Education; I was in charge of Math. I am awful at math. Everytime CNN talks about the decline of our youth's education, yeah, that's my fault.

I killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

If I could buy the original Uncle Jessie's house from The Dukes of Hazzard, I would; just to sleep in Bo's bed.

I write about how I don't like to show off my ample breasts, but everytime a truck and tractor pull comes into town, I don my rebel flag tube top, rub ice on my nipples and hit the fair grounds. Redneck love is better than no love at all.

I love my cats more than anything, but a long time ago one of them jumped onto the end table and drank out of my martini glass. I killed him and put his little kitty head on a spike as a warning to my other twelve cats. Nobody touches Momma's hootch.

I think Killer is a hunk of sexy man meat. Everytime I see him in a sleaveless Tshirt it is as if I just received two free tickets to the Gun Show. I wish he was gravy, so I could sop him up with my biscuit.


hellohahanarf said...

where do i get a rebel flag tube top???

othurme said...

Liz - please don't use the words gravy and biscuit in the same sentence as Killer again.

Churlita said...


How often do you have to keep applying the ice to keep yourself perky and interesting in that tube top?

Babybull40 said...

Liz: why would you WANT to sop him up with a biscuit? Is that a doggy biscuit? or a regular biscuit and what flavour is the biscuit? Well whatever you do.. wipe up when yer down sopping gravy...

Liz said...


Since NONE of this is true- except for the mention of my love of biscuits- I will let YOU reply to all inquiries!

Killer said...

Rebel flag tube tops have to be passed down through your family. Liz's Great Grandmother wore it, her Grandmother, Mother, and now Liz.

Don't be jealous, there is plenty of Killer gravy for everyone to enjoy with their biscuits.

Liz doesn't really need ice, she can just rub the cold can of Pabst Blue Ribbon over them.

If you met me, you would quickly realize the soppability that I emote.

Don't hide from your feelings.

Chris said...

Next Liz will want to have 'lil' Killer babies. But of course, there will be no talks of marriage. As that is unredneck. You will then be referred to by Liz as 'her baby daddy'.

I can see the lil killers runin around wearing tube tops with balls hanging out of the diapers.

that wil make mom proud.