Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Thou Shalt Not Use Air Freshners Shaped Like Trees

Killer sees his chance to impress the Lord

The Pope is at it again. The Catholic Church has released a list of 10 Commandments for Drivers. Vatican's 10 Commandments for Drivers This is the full article from Yahoo, but I shall summarize for those of you who are too good to follow links.

The Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people has released a list of ten commandments for all drivers to obey. Driving is such a large part of Christian lives that it needs to be addressed how to better serve the church whilst doing so.

Here is the actual 10 Commandments for Drivers:

The "Drivers' Ten Commandments," as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

It all seems to be pretty straight forward except #5; Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin. What!?!? Why would I own my souped up Hummer H2 with the deluxe package, lift kit, and 2000 watt stereo, if not to show my power and domination? If I did not want to let the rest of you slackers know who was boss I'd be driving a Kia.

An occasion of sin? I was really confused by that line. But luckily, the responsible author of this article covers that as well, "An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that cars can be 'an occasion of sin' — particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution." Oh, whores, now I get it. It's okay for me to have sex with underage cheerleaders in my car, just don't pay them. Easy enough. (Don't worry, no one is actually getting any in my car. Actually, that's not true. When I was living in San Francisco I caught a homeless couple asleep in my car. I guess they could have had sex in there, but I try to block that out.)

In case you were wondering about the Office for Migrants and Itinerant People, it is specifically tasked with dealing with all "itinerant" people — including refugees, prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless. "Sorry Mbutu, I realize your family is being slaughtered and forced to run from Darfur, but today's meeting will be focusing on the issues brought forth by Brother G Love, and how he can better control his bitches. No, tomorrow we will be discussing the rising incidence of hemorrhoids among long-haul truck drivers. Maybe we can fit you in next week."

According to this list, I might already be going to hell. This pretty much assures I am not going to convert to Catholicism. I am now leaning towards Buddhism. Those guys don't care what, or how, I drive. And since those monks are so tiny, I can probably fit the whole temple into my Hummer. Nobody will give me a ticket with a truck load of monks.


hellohahanarf said...

damn, i like sex in my vehicle. or in other's vehicle.

no wonder it is so hot around here today. i'm guess ing it is the whole "about to burn in hell" thing.

Babybull40 said...

It's a good thing I don't drive.. I would be liable to break almost all of those.. And who says you can't have sex in your car.. Oh that's right, the "Pope".. I suppose I shall burn in hell too... So Killer you won't be alone down there...

othurme said...

There's nothing on the list about carrying a Costco bag of saltwater taffy in your passenger seat, driving around with the windows open, and wearing only a newspaper from the waist down while I drive, so I guess I'm ok.

Killer said...

I like sex in a car, I like sex in a bar. I'd like it near. I'd like it far. I wish I could get some sex.

The Pope is just jealous since the Pope Mobile is a giant see-through box. He can't have sex in his car, so no one can.

Please refer to #2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm. I don't want to say catching a glimpse of you eating Salt Water Taffy naked is mortal harm, but it has a high risk of causing an accident.

josiecat said...

hey now.......whats wrong with a kia? at least the windows are tinted and you cant see inside.

if the sportage is a rocken dont come a knocken

josiecat said...

and on a completely non related subject...........

you work 45 days straight and i come to work your not there.
i didnt stop at starbucks cause i work with the coffee king....
but hey hes not here, what am i supose to do for coffee?

Killer said...

Sorry about bad mouthing the Kia, I know you love yours.
And, I can't help it if there not enough sick people to go around. I already feel bad wishing illness on more people.