Killer waves his hand and says, “You will enjoy this post.”
I want the Force. In Star Wars the Force is something mysterious and hard for Luke to control, but when the prequels came out, you really got to see what special things you could do once you mastered this gift.
I’m not saying I want to dedicate my life to helping the Universe, or traveling around in a tacky brown robe while mediating inter-planetary disputes, but it would kick ass if I could do all the flips and mind control shit.
It would probably start out innocent enough. Maybe I would be eating at Denny’s and the rude waitress would keep walking by ignoring my empty cola glass; I could wave my hand and say, “You want to fill my glass with cold refreshing cola.” She would reply in a monotone voice, “I want to fill your glass with cold refreshing cola.” It would naturally escalate as I got cockier. I’d be opening beer bottles with my light saber and making hot chick’s mini skirts blow up with my mind power. I’m pretty sure it would eventually corrupt me completely and I will find myself with Donald Trump in a mental choke hold screaming, “Give me a billion dollars!” Then I would give him a hair cut with my light saber.
I can’t deny that I would eventually be lured over to the Dark Side. I’m pretty selfish and impressionable. I don’t think I would go as far as destroying entire planets with a Death Star, but I would probably park it “accidentally” between a planet and it’s sun; causing a solar eclipse. People wouldn’t really fear me, but they would most likely think I was an asshole. “There goes that jerk, Lord Killer of the Sith. I cut him off in traffic the other day and he turned my car upside down and shoved a gerbil up my ass with his mind. I hate him.”
I’ve been trying really hard the last few hours to move something with my brain, but I can’t really figure out which muscle to use. I did discover which one makes my left testicle move, but nothing with telekinesis yet. I guess it’s a start.
What do you think? Would you be a good Jedi Knight or an evil Dark Lord?