Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Dingleberry, at your service

Great. Now Killer has me Googling all sorts of odd things to see if any of them link back to Killer Rants. I don't think the title of this post is going to help class-up our hits list, but it's what's on my mind nonetheless.

Television can dish out some major crap. It always frustrates me that somewhere, someone had a break-through with shows like Walker, Texas Ranger and So You Think You Can Dance. I shit better ideas than that. I believe that I could come up with excellent premises that are television worthy if I really put my mind to it.

I am sure you'll agree that this next idea is golden.

I'd like to write my own show, based on Killer's life. You can't trust him to tell the story correctly. There would still be a Chad in Taiwan and, of course, a Liz. She's played by Catherine Zeta-Jones. Killer still gets to travel to exotic places and have his back waxed in no less than 4 different counties, and to support this lifestyle he keeps his job as a travel nurse. The basis of the show is not only Killer's life, but this one crotchety old man who calls Killer "Dingleberry" and makes incredible demands. Each episode ends with Killer reflecting on the lesson Crotchety taught his that day. Balls are frequently mentioned.

By episode 4, Crotchety is getting out of the hospital and hires Killer to be his live-in nurse. Killer, not anxious to accept the job, is lured by the incredible salary, and thus the show "Dingleberry, At Your Service" is truly born.

I don't know exactly what will happen in EVERY episode, but here are some lines you might hear, all followed by a laugh track:

  • That's not supposed to go in that way!

  • Oh, Dingleberry!

  • What smells like Feta cheese?

  • No man should ever have to see what I just saw.

  • You want me to do WHAT with your diaper?

  • The cheapest hooker I could find said that a threesome was out of the question.

  • It's not my fault you forgot to buy rubber gloves, Dingleberry.

  • I'm not paying you to stare at it. It needs ointment pronto!

  • Scratch it.... I SAID SCRATCH IT.

  • Any idiot knows not to light a fart near an old man's oxygen tank!

  • I can get on top of MaryBelle myself, but I need you to stand next to us and shake the bed.

  • I'm not wearing a name tag that says, "Dingleberry." Ok. Give it here.

  • I entered you in a hot dog eating contest, Dingleberry. If you don't win you have to blow me.

You get the idea.

So what do you think? It's at least as good as Three's Company, isn't it?

8 comments:

Babybull40 said...

That could the next reality series actually... I can totally see it happening.. ROFL

Killer said...

I love the idea. I could not stop laughing, especially since I have heard many of those exact statements. A lot of them were from Chad.

Killer said...

I forgot to commend you on the line, "I shit better ideas than that." I often will peer into the toilet bowel, post bm, and think to myself, "Well, it is better than Becker."

LC said...

This is an awesome show, Liz.

Although, the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of the post, was about one of my coworkers who calls me 'Dingleberry'.

hellohahanarf said...

i'd watch the show. but only if it not only talked of killer's balls, but actually showed killer's balls.

Churlita said...

I would totally watch it, if only for the scene where Killer lights his fart on fire by the oxyen. I love explosions.

Natalie said...

Sounds like a hit to me!

Killer said...

Natalie:
Thanks for the support, but it is never good to egg Liz on.