Everyone I Meet is a Business Genius

I should say, A Business Anius.

I have not really mentioned it much, but one of my cohorts and I are in the development stages of opening a business. A coffee/crepes joint.

There are some early concerns, primarily, neither I nor Bam have traditionally been coffee drinkers. So why open a coffee shop? Well, my original idea of Suppository Insertion Technician doesn't really look well on a business card, and Bam's recommendation of Stink Finger Specialist did not test very well with the early marketing groups.

Bam is a very proficient business person, and currently owns and operates a Shit Tank Business. Oh sure, he likes to call them Waste Treatment Systems, but I believe in calling a spade a spade, and a shit tank a shit tank.

Considering I am really good at putting things INTO the ass, and Bam is very good at managing what comes OUT of them, I believe we are the perfect match. But, Bam is the business expert, and he says to diversify, so a Coffee/Crepes Shop is born.

I am in charge of learning about the coffee side. This is a task well suited for me since I am a beer expert. All I need to do is put the same energy into learning the nuances of coffee as I did beer. In the last two months I have read four books on coffee. Where it comes from, how it grows, how it is roasted, how to cup it, how to slurp it, and so on, and so forth. I read two books on, "How to open and run a successful coffee shop." I even read an enjoyable book about unorthodox marketing strategies. I am confident that I am taking all the necessary steps to enter this venture.

All this valuable information is being trampled upon however, by the continuous influx of unsolicited business advice I receive whenever someone else learns of my future plans. Apparently some people are born with the genetic ability to run a coffee shop, and these people are all around me.

I am going to list some of my favorite suggestions I have received thus far. Several have been offered multiple times by several people.

-You will need cups.

-You will need cups, but don't put your company name on them. This way, if you go out of business you can sell them to a different coffee shop.

-You should have more than one type of coffee.

-Make sure the coffee is hot, but not too hot.

-(RN1): Make sure you have a bathroom, and a drive through.
(Me): Or, a drive through bathroom.
(RN1): I've never seen that before, but I guess someone has to be #1.
(Me): Yeah, and some people can even go #2.

-Sell Decaf

-Don't sell Decaf

-You should grow your own coffee. (This one is better appreciated after reading four books on where coffee can grow.)

-(Me): I'm going to open a Coffee and Crepes Shop.
(Xray Tech): You should sell food also.
(Me): Crepes are food.
(Xray Tech): Oh, I thought you meant creeps.
(Me): Why would I sell creeps?
(Xray Tech): I don't know, I'm no business expert. You want some advice.
(Me): Very much so.
(Xray Tech): Sell food people have heard of.