Random Ranting

Killer tossing out two totally unrelated stories

At the airport recently, I overheard a conversation mid-flow that finished with a statement which had me confused. "...that's exactly what I was trying to tell my grand babies' mommas the other day." I wanted to follow them to find out if she had one grand baby with two mothers or multiple grand babies from different mothers. I've always been fascinated with the hip vernacular used for illegitimate children. "He my baby daddy", "my baby's momma crazy", "and "I'm having baby momma drama" are some of my favorites. I would love to someday use these, but I'm not getting laid enough to expect a positive outcome.

Last week I admitted an eighty year old guy for "Altered Mental Status" into the ICU with a temperature of 102. The standard treatment for an elevated temp is Tylenol. There are only two ways to take Tylenol. One is the trusted oral route, the second is via the poop shoot. Since a confused eighty year old might be having a stroke, which would effect the swallowing abilities, the latter route was utilized. I gloved, lubed and, removed the suppository from the foil wrapper (an intricate part of suppository application). With a male, lying flat in bed, you can actually use a sly, frontal approach by lifting the balls and sliding the object into the anal cavity (in case you ever need to know). I looked up and said, "all done." He looked at me aghast and replied, "I don't know how you Navy boys do things around here, but in the Army, we don't go around touching each other like that." I really felt guilty. Even if he was confused, I don't want that poor guy thinking I was taking advantage of him. Maybe I should have bought him a drink first.