Killer, preparing for all contingencies.
Well, I undergo the scalpel in the morning to relocate George . He might not agree with the decision ( George's opinion ), but it is not for him to decide. I like to think they are going to humanely relocate him to some natural reserve for fatty tumors, but he is more likely going to be tossed unceremoniously into a biohazard disposal container. If he had just stayed on the reservation this never would have happened.
With any surgical procedure there are inherent risks. The most obvious being a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I have never had anesthesia, so I am uncertain as to my outcome. Part of me is hoping that I wake up swinging and cursing at the nurses, because I have taken care of a lot of patients that do that, and I would like to see it from their point of view. I have also had a lot of patients that, in a half sleep state, keep pulling off their covers and exposing their balls to everyone in the room. I might do that anyway, regardless of my mental cognition after surgery.
More risks include nerve damage, which could leave me looking like a permanent stroke victim. Which I might actually find amusing. It would be a little pick me up in the mornings when I can look in the mirror and laugh at my own misfortune. Plus, it could give me a chance to get my hands on one of those handy dandy handicap placards that Fringes was bragging about.
Serious scarring is also a risk, but since I am already a 350 pound, angry looking guy with a lot of tattoos, I think a really bitchin' facial scar would just make it all the more better.
The thought of possible death from surgery got me to contemplating what my last words should be. I really want to have a great "last words" quote. Something that, when heard, makes people laugh, but think at the same time. The best I have come across in my schooling has been from a U.S. General during the Civil War, John Sedgwick, "Nonsense, they couldn't hit an elephant from this distance." He was shot immediately there after. That is the kind of kind of thing I want.
Here are the top three choices for me to say right before surgery, in case of a morbid outcome:
"Either that tumor goes, or I go."
"I have figured out the solution for peace in the Middle East, and I will tell you all about it after surgery."
"I bet the doctor one hundred bucks he could not do the surgery blindfolded."
I am open to suggestions, comments, or criticisms.