Thursday, October 05, 2006

...So he loaded up his truck and he moved to Beverly

Killer, blogging from infamy.

Yes, this is me on the cover of a professional publication. For some it might take their whole lives to be on the cover of a magazine, but I pulled it off in 33 years. This is the cover of the Oxford Town Magazine. It is widely respected for it's journalistic integrity, and it's cutting edge reporting on the entertainment available in Oxford, MS., a town of about 35,000 people. You may all wallow in jealousy now.
My best friend, Chris, is an artist and he drew this picture of me. It is a silver etching. He made marks on a piece of paper with a special pencil with a silver tip. Only a guy this talented can capture the true essence of me, lounging in a recliner with a beer. The original picture is for sale for $500, but I would appreciate it not being used for pornographic purposes. If you look really close you can see up my pant leg.

I am not sure how to handle my celebrity status. I don't want you, my loyal following, to think I am now going to get all "Paris Hilton" and start banging B celebrities, and cat fighting with tweener movie stars. I will probably be the same guy portrayed in that picture, but maybe sitting in a nicer recliner and hopefully without that hole in my underwear.

This blog will probably get a lot better once I achieve the peak of my celebrity status. I will be able to hire some staff writers to do all the blogging for me. Maybe I can get some of the wash outs from Saturday Night Live. They will, more than likely, not have my propensity for big words, but also will not talk about my balls so much. I will let you decide which of those is the pro and which is the con.

Well I will let you go now. I need to get out to the clubs. I gotta start making the rounds to keep in the lime light. You normal, mundane people don't realize how addictive the bright lights can be. So, if you read about me in US Weekly soon for getting in a fight over Wilmer Valderama with Lindsay Lohan I hope you will understand.

And you can quit trying to look up my pant leg now you pervert.

5 comments:

Heather said...

OMG! You friend is really talented. I swear, until I read futher, I thought it was a photograph. You are probably gonna turn into on of those Laguna beach kids and get a DUI and STD hanging out with Miss Hilton.

othur-me said...

Can't they both be pros?

gatey said...

You COULD get some SNL burnouts to write for you, but it would take too long as Horation Sanz would have to stop every 5 seconds to laugh at himself. I mean, there is no way you could keep up the pace you've maintained over the past few weeks.

Liz said...

You really should do something along the lines of crotch grooming. The view up your shorts looks like an eagle's nest with two robin's eggs in it. My God.

Killer said...

Liz, you have crossed the line. You can say what you want about me, but you may NEVER sully the honor of my crotch grooming.