Sunday, October 22, 2006

Priceless? I Don't Think So.

Liz puts a value on friendship. :O And it's $12.

We're not getting a Christmas bonus at work this year and I usually use that scratch for gift buying. This means that 2006 is the perfect time to resurrect that timeless childhood gift-giving tradition: Homemade crap with a bow on it!

As previously disclosed I like to spend my free time sleeping. This means that 70 % of my Christmas shopping is done on line between naps. But this year I have an extreme budget to consider. I've got to bargain hunt, scout out the deals, make it to the Early Bird sales!

Uhhhh... Probably not going to happen.

My intense level of laziness combined with the broke-factor almost guarantees that there will be tears around my house at Christmas.

What Would Jesus Do?

Jesus would take one delightful Christmas gift (wisely bought at a half-price sale) and multiply it by 20, so that everyone had a lovely present. The receivers would parade around the room and brag about this awesome present that Jesus just gave them and they'd be like, "He cloned my first!" and other people would be like, "Nah Uh. He cloned MINE first!" Then people would start fighting a little bit and you'd look over in the corner and see that your dad is half wasted on the abundant wine and that the dog is humping your grandma's purse. Then Jesus would hush everybody up and talk about how the spirit of Christmas has nothing to do with presents and everyone would end up feeling really guilty and it would be a Christmas miracle!

Halloween resolution for '06: Be DIY Network crafty (as opposed to Beastie Boys crafty).

What should I make for my friends and family this Holiday season? It needs to be something that I can mass produce... I mean something that will show all of my friends that I treasure them equally... and it needs to be something that can slide in at under $15 a pop.

I would appreciate your ideas, but please do not suggest anything that utilizes yarn and/or popsicle sticks. (See gods eye below). Also, do not recommend that I give everyone I know a couple of black market Zanyx. Just because the price is right, that doesn't make it Christmas.






9 comments:

othur-me said...

You're fucked...you can't get anything good done for $15 a pop.

I would consider putting a little extra effort into trick or treating this year, if ya know what I mean.

(please tell me this isn't going to turn into some crafty-ass knitting blog or something?)

othur-me said...

"But here's the truth of what boobs are good for:
......
16) A quick $16"

Have you forgotten how to use these or something?

Killer said...

This deserves a full blown blog-off response, Beatch!

chewes said...

Liz, since you are such a good cook, why don't you cook everyone a casserole or something like that...cookies, a cake- or your "famous" meatballs. I know that around Xmas, it is always nice to have something in the freezer to pull out when you don't have time to cook.

P.S. If this is a contest and my entry wins, I want a casserole or something.

EEK said...

Make them coupon booklets. Like a coupon for a free backrub, or home-cooked meal, or hug. I would be so mad if that was my Christmas present, but at least it would be funny.

Use glitter.

LIZ said...

Othur,

So right! I have forgotten the resources I have at my disposal! For Christmas all of my friends are getting a 6-second flash!

eek, love your comment!

CW3G- I promise. I'll make you a burger before the year ends. How does Saturday night sound? Talk to K and M? Take up a $$ collection?

MAJOR EFLAT said...

my heart goes to you liz...a prayer might ease your loss...or some dumb luck that you could climb from the hole...I'd send them cards...or e-cards at the worst case scenario

othur-me said...

Better idea! Christmas cards with your money makers as the front picture.....and return address envelopes for the $16.

ambiebambie said...

Hey.. actually I work at Northpark. At JCPenney's. in the window covering department. but i do a little decorating on the side. I sell curtains to customers and then go and put them up in their homes. it's fun actually. i enjoy it...

i think you should do killer's idea and make up a fake disease.. something like.. occipital hemophilia conjuctivitis. throw the word chronic in their and you'll have it made...

something they wont be able to research on the internet..