Thursday, October 12, 2006

My New Friend

Lucky Liz:

I have a new friend I would like to tell you about:
  • He refers to himself in the third person- always- and uses his nickname
  • He wears very tacky clothes and he probably paid A LOT for them
  • He is a habitual gambler and if you make a bet and lose, you'd better pay up
  • He uses much profanity, but says he doesn't cuss around women (hello?)
  • He isn't at all self consciences about telling me that he threatened to backhand his pre-teen daughter
  • In the middle of a temper tantrum, he becomes possessed by Yote Samity Sam and turns tomato red and STOMPS around in a circle
  • He has hair that most men would kill for- and he KNOWS it

Yet, I LOVE this guy. I think he is AWESOME! It's like hanging with one of the cops from Barney Miller everytime I'm around him; clothes and all.

This time with "Hey There Hal" has made me realize something important. I like quirky. Not scary quirky. Not super asshole quirky. Just plain Eric Estrada-inspired, macho, fast car, tight pants quirky. Wooderson from Dazed and Confused quirky.

I can't believe it's taken this long for me to put those words down on paper.

I've been on a haiku kick lately, so I wrote my new friend a poem. It's titled,

"WANTED: Beige Sun Visor".

Friend in third person

Charactercature of yourself

Who picked out those shorts?

I want to get inside his heart and have a look around, so I asked my new friend to write ME a haiku. This is what he submitted:

I'll bet you 10 bucks

And all of your underwear

I can outrun you.

Bitch.

Ok, maybe he didn't really write that, but I know that if he knew what a syllable was, that's what he WOULD write.

3 comments:

othur-me said...

Would you take that bet?

Killer said...

Holy Cow! Just when you think Liz is slacking on her blogging, she smacks you with a great one.
I want to meet this guy.
Or, I should say, Killer wants to meet this guy!

Liz said...

Othur,
I run slower than anyone on the planet- one-leggers included.

Red Killer,
Thanks for the comment! And don't think I've not noticed your new "tag line" on the blog. Is the additional 30% a reference to my weight?!?!? :)