Saturday, October 21, 2006

Where is MY cute African Baby?

Killer, blogging ahead of the curve.

I did not get a CD player until 1997. That means I was one of the last schleps scouring the music store for new releases on cassette tape. I am still very self conscious about not keeping up with the newest fads. Recently Angelina and Brad adopted an African baby, then Madonna adopted an African baby. I am seeing a trend develop here, and I want in on the ground floor.

A couple of years ago, all the popular celebrities started carrying tiny dogs in designer hand bags, and I really wanted to fit in, so I looked into this. Designer hand bags are almost as expensive as tiny designer dogs. I want to be cool, but within a budget. I am in desperate need to get in on the newest fashion statement as early as possible to keep my self esteem up. It is becoming increasingly obvious that the new trend is going to be African babies.

Think about it, an African baby can not be that expensive to get. According to Sally Struthers, there are millions of them, and also according to Sally, I can apparently feed one for as little as the cost of a cup of coffee a day. That is within my budget, I can afford a cup of coffee everyday. Well, not Starbucks coffee, but maybe generic gas station coffee. I don't think the African baby will know the difference.

If I get one now I will be able to be the first person on my block with an authentic African baby. Pretty soon, once this thing blows up, everyone is going to be trying to get one. The cost of obtaining your own African baby is going to quickly become astronomical. This will lead to sweat shops in China or Taiwan churning out cheap imitation African babies. You know the deal, you get your brand new African baby, take him/her home and after the first bath the dye washes off and your realize you actually have just a plain Chinese baby instead. Sure it is a baby and does all the same stuff, but you did not get this baby for a baby, you got this baby to prove to the neighbors that you are better than they are.

So, I am going to act fast and get me an African baby before the price goes up and the pickins' get slim. I might get two. Wait, do you have to carry the African baby around in a designer hand bag? If that is the case than I might have to rethink things. New plan: Get copy of most recent People, US, and In Touch magazines and research this. I hope they are not using designer hand bags, because I would hate to miss out on another hot trend.


Liz said...

Be CAREFUL when they send you your baby. I hear that Webster and Gary Coleman are also on the ground floor of this trend.

othur-me said...

Killer - you might want to start with a Cabbage Patch Kid or a Penny-Pees-Alot.

Liz - are you telling me you can adopt your own little Webster or Gary Coleman?

Liz said...

Yes, Othur. Yes you can.

fringes said...

You can probably get a few Compton or Detroit babies for the same price as an Ethiopian baby. Believe me when I say your neighbors will never know the difference.

EEK said...

What you say sounds nice in theory, but prior to going through with this you should think to yourself -- are African babies really the 'Chanel of Babies' or are they just a fad? If your answer is that they're merely a fad, you should consider investing in a more classic type of baby that will stand the test of time -- perhaps one from Eastern Europe.

Red said...

You know, I heard an insider tip that the next big thing is Russian babies. If you're going to go through with it, you may as well be ahead of the game.. What's Brangewhatever and that singer that used to be American going to do when their babies go so quickly out of style??