Blue Book Value of Me

Disclaimer: The following information was obtained from Humanforsale.com
If you attempt to find your own value here, I would ignore the "what is your rating on face the jury", I did and still got my value.
Also, Killer Rants accepts no responsibility for any readers that are depressed or saddened by their value. Plus, if you are easily depressed, that probably decreases your value even more.

I just hit the infamous "next blog" button and it took me to a site in which the first entry was a short snippet about the author's monetary value. It included a link where you can find such a thing using, an undoubtedly, fool proof survey.

So, I decided to see what, if any, I could garner for myself if I ever needed to sell me.

It turns out I am worth $1,840,950. I am assuming that is American dollars, because in Canadian it is not as impressive.

It even offers a breakdown of value for each of my answers. It turns out that my weight and hair loss status are detracting from my value. That is understandable, but it also seems that my being very hairy (except my head) is also a negative value. I take exception with that. I believe my being hairy should be a positive, especially if being sold to someone in cold climates. I rarely get cold. I practically come with a built in sweater.

Many of the questions were quite strange, and frankly, disturbing. It wanted to know my penis size. I did not take the test for women, so I imagine it wants to know your breast size, because I don't think all women can tell you the size of their ovaries. It is depressing to note that, although not a negative value, the size I listed did not exactly shoot up my value. I would later retake the test with a few false answers and apparently a couple more inches can really make or break you. Normal (I hope) = $1000. Porn Star = $15,000.

I actually think this is a good thing to know. I plan to inform my family in case I am ever kidnapped. Now they have valuable information to use when dealing with ransom demands. Armed with a solid blue book value you can really negotiate well. I bet if they stuck to their guns they could probably get me back for around $1,400,499.