Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Alien Solutions

Killer, keeping one eye on the sky and one on my job.

I have been bombarded lately with discussions about aliens. When I was home my Brother-in-law kept making fun of my Mother for saying she believed in aliens. Her argument is, "it is very arrogant to think we are the only intelligent life forms in the universe." My Brother-in-law never gave any argument for his view of no aliens, he would just say, "Ya Mama crazy, she believes in aliens." Followed by some giggling. He's Cajun, so that sort of behavior is expected. To be honest, I have a strong suspicion he was abducted at some point and probably probed anally. To quote Shakespeare, "The lady doth protest to much, methinks."

Upon returning to California, there is the usual debate about illegal aliens. Should we build a fence? Should we give them amnesty? Should we have them mop the floor when they come to clean the house? All of these are legitimate questions, but no one seems to have legitimate answers.

I would like to offer my opinion on both.

Space Aliens
I can share my space alien theory very easily. The most telling proof of intelligent life in space is that they have chosen NOT to communicate with us. I imagine we are like the Killer Bees of the Universe. Everyone is unsure of what we are capable of, and it is best to stay well clear. If we ever manage interstellar travel there is going to be a lot of alien news coverage of our slow advancement through space.

Illegal Aliens
When I lived in Mississippi, the only thing I knew about illegal aliens was based on two contingents: What I saw on TV, and the suspicion that everyone working at the Mexican Restaurant was one.
Now, after working for a few years in California, I have first hand knowledge of illegal immigrants at work. Their awesome! When I worked as brewer for a small brewpub North of San Francisco, bright and early every morning they all rode in with the kitchen manager and immediately began working, no talking, no goofing off, just work.
The drawback comes with their children. They have kids here and that makes their kids American, and although Mom and Dad want to work hard and make a living, the kids are truly Americanized. They don't want to work. They would rather hire some illegals to do it for half price. It is an endless cycle.

The solution is to gather up all the lazy, unmotivated American citizens, slap a sombrero and a fake mustache on them and deport them to Mexico. These people would not be motivated enough to make the arduous journey back over the border. We just refuse to take any more phone calls from Mexico and then they are stuck with them. Hopefully their offspring will be motivated and they can sneak back into America. By that time we will have a whole new crop of slackers to round up and ship to Mexico in return.


heather said...

a 'killer' solution to a sticky political mess, where's my sombrero? not that i don't want to work but i'm sick of the snow. a free trip to mexico sounds fantastic right now!
as for space aliens, i'm with your mom on that and have used the same argument for years.

Jester said...

I'm thinking getting shipped off to Mexico doesn't seem like a half bad idea. I'll skip the sombrero though.

Give me a tin foil hat to keep the real aliens from reading my thoughts.

mist1 said...

I come in peace.

Liz said...

I think you should be Jester's VP running mate.

Mayren said...

I just wanna wash your car or sell you some oranges man...

othurme said...

What if space aliens and illegal aliens were the same thing? Does that explain the pyramids in Mexico?

Churlita said...

Illegal aliens in Iowa usually work horrible jobs in meat packing plants. Most of us are just grateful we don't have to do that kind of work.

Regular aliens in Iowa are busy making crop circles and no one here is into doing that kind of work either.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you.
My whole problem is the issue legality. If you want to come here and work-awesome, but do it the legal way. I love hard working members of society. My plan would be a bit more harsh than yours however. As far as aliens go-I have to say I am agnostic-if you can be about aliens.
Hillarious other comments!