Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Time Management In Progress

Liz fears her post will go unnoticed:

I am not a skilled blogger so you will find a new "C" post lurking beneath Killer's job opportunities post. I wouldn't even bother to tell you except that post represents 38 minutes of my life. That's the equivalent of 2 packs of cigarettes, so I thought you should know.

Speaking of minutes... and life...I have invented some new time management techniques that I thought I'd share with you. I'm not saying that these will actually work, but you can be the judge of that.

I'm going to start doing 80% of my grocery shopping during my lunch hour. The Piggly Wiggly has a real butcher and, although their coffee selection is very low class, I bought a 12-pack of Nestle bottled water for under $3 today. My lunch hour is usually spent doing some other time waster (i.e. napping) anyway. I might as well be productive in the produce aisle.

By the way, I've had two people over the past two days refer to Piggly Wiggly as a "locally owned" grocery store. I think it's a huge chain but I hate bursting sentimental bubbles so I let it go.

I'm cutting my leg-shaving ritual down to once a month. I realize that when I do finally shave it may take a very long time to get all the hair and unclog the drain, but on average, I'll still be saving time.

I'm scavenging at work for dinner. We often have banquets at my place of employment. The next time I'm at Piggly, I'm picking up a stack of paper plates and some aluminum foil. This will definitely be a dinner time saver for me. Those frozen pizzas can take forever.

I'm not calling my parents anymore. They call me enough. There's no need for overkill.

All new clothes, from this day forward, will be basic black. I may have a Gothic air that envelops me, but the time saved in not having to coordinate outfits will be immeasurable. I think Einstein did this and look at all that time he had to invent the Theory of Relativity. See? That could be me or you.

I'm going to stop going to pee whenever I feel the need. Strict adherence to a schedule, only! I probably spend almost an hour a day doing bathroom related activities. That's 2 episodes of Arrested Development missed every day! What a waste.

Everything disposable. Yeah, whatever about the environment. Washing dishes totally blows. It may look odd to serve home visitors coffee and mixed cocktails in Styrofoam cups, but I'll be free to enjoy myself instead of thinking about what a pain in the ass that dried grenadine is going to be to get out of that glass I just found under the bed.

No more reading. I like books and magazines, but enough already. It's always the same words, just in a different order. Big waste of time!

That will have to wrap this post up. I have some video games to go play.


mist1 said...

I am excellent at time management. I brush my teeth on the toilet. I put on my makeup while driving. Sometimes, I even implement a No Touching My Hair During Sex rule. It saves oodles of time.

Killer said...

The key to good time management is cutting out the unneccesary minutes. When I do take a shower, which is not often, I eat in there as well. If you eat soup, you don't realize how wet everything gets.

Churlita said...

You might want to rethink the whole "not peeing when the need arises" thing. The bladder infections and antibiotics may not be worth the time being saved. I'm sure you could sacrifice something else in there - like sleep.

EEK said...

As a single person, I never shave my legs unless I know that I have a pedicure coming up. (I feel bad for the pedicurist otherwise.) This evens out to about once a month.

Killer said...

By the way, I know that I told you how to change the time and date on drafted posts, so they show up on top.

desiree said...

I shave my legs about once a month too. I don't get leid much, but then, I choose not to. That saves me, oh, 30 seconds a week? You know, because my signifigant other is that good in the sack.

Mel Francis said...

Okay, I can live with all your time management tips but the No Reading one.

Sorry. I have to take a stand. The writer in me won't let me allow you to stop reading. If you're not reading, how can you buy my book? (which, admittedly, won't be on the shelves until December 2008--but still...)