Thursday, February 08, 2007

Did you think I would fly?

Killer believes, "Save the foot fungus, Save the world"

I was checking out Mel's blog just now and was fascinated with her excuse for not posting recently. Not just because it blamed us here at Killer Rants, but because it mentioned "Heroes", one of my favorite shows. She did not actually "tag" me per say, but I was searching for an idea, so I am going to steal continue her theme.

My Hero Power
by Killer
There are many great powers represented on "Heroes", but my idea would be unique, and capitalize on my own special gift.

I want to be able to detach one or both of my feet and throw them at people.

The cheerleader would be in serious danger from Syler and I would quickly slip my shoes off, I would not wear socks to add to the effect, and detach my foot and hurl it with all my might at Syler.

Some of you might think that is not a very good deterrent, but you have not seen my feet. I attempted to post a picture, but apparently blogger monitors picture uploads and blocked them.

My foot would crash into the side of Syler's face, he would look stunned, and look around to see what hit him. At first he can't find it, but he follows the strange smell and spots the culprit lying on the floor next to him. Anger quickly turns to disgust as he sees the massive, size 13 EE foot, with ugly calluses and toe nails in dire need of clipping. He forgets all about the cheerleader as he flees in a panic to find some "Tough Actin Tinactin" to spray on his face, which has begun to itch, maybe from athletes foot, maybe from paranoia, but he doesn't want to risk it.

The Cheerleader is saved and forever indebted. I stand there hopping in place and kindly ask her to toss me back my foot. She eyeballs it, and then hesitantly declines. "You can heal yourself for Pete's sake. Just kick it over here. I saved your life." "Yes, and thanks, but that is just a really gross foot." she replies, backing nervously away from it.

As I hop precariously to the spot my foot sits dejectedly on the floor, I wonder if this is such a gift after all. I could get a pedicure every once in a blue moon, but who would be deterred by a smooth, supple foot caressing their face? With all the foot fetish freaks out there, someone would probably pick it up and steal it. I then realize like all the other "Heroes" characters, my gift is also a curse.

What would your Hero power be? Discuss amongst yourselves and then comment. If you want to write your own post about this subject, please mail me a dollar for copyright infringement. Mel is not charging me, because she has a book deal and can afford to be gracious.


EEK said...

Let's just hope you're not easily corruptable and would use it only for good.

I'm not sure what I would want my super power to be. I'll have to mull that one over.

Mel Francis said...

I'm going to say that I wish I could add regineration to my already existing electric superpower. That way, I would never have to worry about possible liver damage due to overindulgence. And if I ever overload on my electrical power, I will always be able to just reboot myself.

Maybe instead of hobbling over to reattach your stinky foot you can reginerate, too. And then you can hurl "machine gun" style. Multiple kills due to regineration of fungus foot.

Instead of Spppppoooooonnnnn you could yell, STTTTIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNK!

chad said...

how about the power to kill a yak, from two hundred yard away, with MIND BULLETS!!!

Churlita said...

I would hurl my feet if they never came back to me. Do you think I could attach prettier ones if I fought crime with my older ugly ones?

Mayren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mayren said...


Killer you are golden. This post is going in the books. I havn't laughed that hard in awhile.

Would you be my Blog Valentine?


mist1 said...

I am not responsible enough to have powers. I'd like to be able to turn water into wine, but I think JC has that one trademarked.

Killer said...

EEK: What fun is a power if I only do good? I would not use it for evil, just mischief.

Mel: I would be afraid any regenerative abilities would grow feet without the odor and cracked heels.

Chad: "That's telekinesis, Homes!"

Churlita: You could get nicer ones, thusly ending your crime fighting career and beginning your foot model one.

Mayren: You can make a rose with random keys?!?! I just learned how to spell hell with my calculator turned upside down.
Of course I will be your blog valentine.

apositivepessimist said...

That show has fiiinally started over here after much freaking tele promotion. I started to grow weary about shouting at the tele "Shut-up already, piss the fooken tennis off and start it yer goddamn pricks!".

I need to send you that dollar just fer cracking my fat arse up.

Hmmm I would wish fer really, really fast fat cell disposal. heh.

Julie_Gong said...

I was watching the Travel channel yesterday and there is a cafe in Prague that you can pay about $60 US dollars and throw rock hard stale doughnuts at anyone in the cafe. Similar to feet... No?