Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Viva Las Vegas

Killer, hoping for the best.

I'm going to Las Vegas this weekend! It's extra special because I have been working the last 15 nights straight. I have a deal with myself. If I win atleast $300,000 this weekend, I can cut back to 60 hours a week. If I win $500,000 I will quit my current contract and go home right now. If I win $1,000,000 I will not only quit my current contract, but I will drive to the nearest airport and begin the greatest global odyssey the world has ever seen.

$999,999 and below is small enough, after taxes, to remain calm and rational. I would go home and invest in my future. A future where wiping ass is for recreational purposes only. $1,000,000 and up would undoubtedly throw my brain into overdrive and the impulse buying side would seize control in the melee. I would frivolously travel the world, paying poor locals to carry me from location to location, as I drink expensive, imported slurpees. That one dollar separating the two is a very important figure.

This blog would probably improve as well during that period of whimsical spending. I would be able to have some free-lance writers take my place. I already have my eye on a few people who are known to do a little free-lance work. Fringes, Neil, and Mist1 come to mind, I would add Mel, but I think she needs to focus on her current writing project right now. Everyone else would be encouraged to submit posts and compete for a paying gig. Unfortunately Liz is out of the running, since she already works here for free. She should really form a union.

I don't know about you, but I'm hoping for the $1,000,000. I really love to travel. I would even take Chad and Bam, my usual travel bitches, but they would have to walk from location to location. I can't afford to have the locals carry everybody. Plus, that kind of experience is much more special when you have someone who can describe how hard it was on foot.

This Friday I am flying out to Vegas, so I need all of you guys to throw out some mental mojo towards the Sin City. It might seem like I am the only one benefiting, but if you take a step back and keep an open mind, It's really gonna benefit all of us.

Except Liz.

13 comments:

dmarks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dmarks said...

Start a collection!

Last time I was there a few years ago, the streets were lined with people trying to shove what appeared to be Hooker Trading Cards in my hand. If you approach this with open palm, you will quickly have a collection of Hooker Trading Cards to be proud of.

No connection, but I was also there two days before Roy got mauled.

fringes said...

Have fun! I've never been to Vegas. I hear it's kind of a boring cowtown. Bring me back some beef jerky.

Churlita said...

What happens if you win herpes while you're there? would you quit your job then?

mist1 said...

I expect to be highly paid for my services. Not those services. You can get those in Vegas. I meant my free-lance services.

Chris said...

Win lots of money for Kade. He decided if you are rich, you can rent him on a regular basis!!

heather said...

the only way i'm gonna agree to send my extremely powerful positive vibes your way is if i can get your signature on this contract stating that you will be showing up in my town on a date to be chosen by me to get not only you and myself, but anyone else i choose, completely and totaly inebrieated, inked and quite possibly arrested! i will also require a recent blood sample so i can have you balls hunted down and removed from your possesion if you try to back out of said contract.

Mayren said...

Your going to Vegas to Marry Liz????!!!

Mist is one sexy wench and deserves to be paid well.

You could come visit good ole' Burbank if Vegas got boring.. it's only 3 hours away...

Liz said...

Killer,

I see you take every opportunity to smack me down, so I must retort: The only way you can screw me is through this blog, yet I'm still getting the shaft. Can you explain the physics of this?

Good luck. I know in your heart of hearts you would at least pay my way into a movie if you won a million. However, I would prefer to join you, Chad, and Bam on a travel adventure... maybe we could go somewhere huge like Liberty?

Neil said...

You actually gamble in Vegas? I just go for the buffets.

Mel Francis said...

I'm hoping you win the mil as well...but I have to say, as flattered as I am that you would even consider me as blog filler, I wouldn't be worthy of the slot.

And you're right, I have my own writing project I need to be concentrating on...seeing as how I have a contract with a due date and I haven't added quite as many words to that project to fulfill an eighth of the contract requirements yet. Doh!

othurme said...

When in Vegas always eat at Yolee's. Every cab driver will know it by name and how to get there. All you can eat Brazilian steak house. It's fantastic and more meat than any person should eat in one sitting. My 2 cents (plus interest should add up to just about $300,000 of your winnings).

chad said...

i'll be sending a special prayer to the black jack gods for you tonight, killer. and liz, be careful what you wish for--any trip with killer and his travel bitches will include daily, perhaps even hourly, farting competitions. and you're almost certain to witness the naked ass dance.