Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Accidental Tourist

Liz throws down her bag to blog:

It has been one Hell of a whirlwind weekend and it's only the wee hours of Sunday morning. I just had the best kind of vacation- a totally unplanned and very LONG 24 hours.

I have slept 1 hour in the past 38. It is amazing what you can do when sleep does not interfere with your consumption of alcohol. The fun started Friday night when friends gathered at a local pub to enjoy the smooth hippiness of Todd Snider. He is a folk musician who can make you want to slit your wrist then laugh about it. The best part of the night was that Shanna, a big fan, got to meet Mr. Snider and we all had pictures made and the like. He is all of the girls' hippie crush, so my picture is definitely going on the fridge. There were two almost-incidences of fights involving the people in my group, which is hilarious because we are all lovers, not fighters. I got to see my friends break bad on some assholes who were in front of us. I so delight in this. My friends are peaceful kind people but were trying to make shanks out of their beer cans. Funny- and all in good fun.

A very late bedtime provided one hour of sleep. At 5:30am I was up again, showering and getting ready to go on a 3-hour treck to watch Watda'ya Know?, an NPR game show. Our tickets were on the fourth row, which was awesome. My BFF and I had great fun, then decided to go get pedicures. Then shoe shopping, where I scored some unbelievable rain boots. And Outlet malls. Including two great meals along the way.

The sleep deprivation led to delirium, which means that my BFF and I got extremely silly. She probably doesn't want me to tell you this but it's so funny I have to. You know that obscene gesture straight men make where they touch their index fingers and thumbs to make... um.... an oblong diamond? Then, men being men, will sometimes bring this oblong diamond to their faces and lick around it as if to replicate... um... well, you know. My BFF FORGETS that this is an obscene gesture that only men or women in flannel with mullet hair cuts should make. She has somehow grown up thinking that this gesture is the symbol for "rock and roll", much like the often seen devil horns made by extending the index finger and pinkie up, while folding other fingers under. It is NOT the symbol for rock and roll, it is the symbol, you know. So here we are, in a "sit down" steak house, greasy from a day of traveling, gassy from a night filled with cold beer, looking like skanks straight out of the converted school bus we live in when some comment is made about music and WHAM! Her fingers meet, the oblong diamond is made, and she's licking around it profusely. We, of course, are in a restaurant on a Saturday night at 7:00. There are other people around. A matter of fact, I saw the table of men behind her pray before they ate their meal. And then there is us... table discussions about our guess for how much the world's biggest dump weighed, uncouth comments about the pros and cons of being a groupie, and then a visual demonstration (unintentional) of how to eat coochie.

I am mortified. But damn, that's the funniest thing I've seen all year. I have no intention of EVER letting her live this down. I'm so lucky to have a BFF that does things like this. My plan is to teach her the finger symbol for "The Shocker" and tell her that's how they say "Hello" in Canada. I just hope I'm there when she uses it.


Killer said...

Poor Kim, she is desperately trying to reach out to you, but you only laugh and misunderstand.

Red said...

That's priceless. One time I did my pinky and thumb to mean rock and roll, and my then boyfriend said, "Um, that's phone."

Liz said...


No, YOUR comment is priceless. You were out in this world telling all sorts of metal heads to call you, and you didn't even realize it! Too funny.

Liz said...


Mine and Kim's realtionship is built entirely on the concept of laughing at each other's foolish attempts to reach out. I swear, if it weren't for her, I would a sad, lonely crazy woman. And she would running about making oblong diamonds to her priest father-in-law.

Liz said...

What happened to my ability to use the word "be"?

Churlita said...

Hilarious post. I make rock hands when I get excited, (the real kind)and people think that's weird enough. I can't imagine how much shit I'd get for making "eating coochie" hands.