Friends, the unthinkable has happened. I have lost my voice. I know that somewhere there are celebrations in the street, as surely prayers have been answered. But for me and my golden fog voice, this is tragic. Tragic in that Carol-Brady-Christmas-solo kind of way.
I think my voice departure has everything to do with the fact that I've got two ear infections and a sinus infection. Being the trooper that I am, I went on to work tonight where I spoke for hours. Now, I fall silent before you with a mini chalk board tied around my neck and a stick of chalk in my hand. I cry out to be heard, but only a faint eek comes from my throat. And my freshly manicured nails keep brushing against this damn chalkboard. Again, tragic. Tragic in that Fonzi's-trademark-bump-didn't-start-the-jukebox kind of way. Oh the humanity!
To add to my agony, I have the world's largest zit right between my eyes. Not only is it huge, but because it's been with me for several days, it has been touched with malicious intent. This means I have successfully made it much worse. To the point where even makeup does nothing but enhance my Hindu appeal. Things just aren't going my way.
But there is some good news.
The other night at Chick-Fil-A I was in the drive thru line. A man two cars up ordered $94 worth of fast food. I wanted to murder him with my bare hands. Instead, I gave a sharp look of displeasure to the 16 year old working the window. I sternly said, "Ya'll really should force people with orders over $25 to come into the restaurant instead of using the drive thru." "Totally!" she said, and I felt better about her generation. They may not be THE GREATEST generation, but when they say "totally", they mean it.