Thursday, March 01, 2007

Loyal Liz Lover

Killer pouring his heart out.

I noticed my posts recently have had a slight negativity towards Liz. Not overtly or mean spirited, but a few jokes made on her behalf. I don't want to correct this just because Liz has a mean streak and could kick my ass, but because Liz is a great person who would kick my ass out of love.

Top Five Reasons to Love Liz

5. Liz is, undoubtedly, one of the world's greatest shit talkers. She manages to keep it funny so everyone around is laughing, but the person whom it is directed at will have a twinge of concern about whether she is serious or not. I was hanging out with a group of friends, which included Liz, and she told me if I farted one more time she would shove a potato up my ass. We all laughed, but I really believe she would have done it.

4. Liz has a fantastic little house, perfectly decorated with a lot of color, a little camp, and a touch of humor. There are coasters that light up when your beer is placed upon them and a series of 1950's half naked beefcakes framed upon the wall. The extra bedroom is comfy and she never says I can't sleep there. She even has really nice sheets and I like to sleep in them naked, but don't tell her about that part.

3. Liz has an infectious, upbeat personality. She could have fun in line at the DMV, and so would everyone else in her line. She would probably be talking shit to the next line about how much their line sucked.

2. Liz has an awesome sense of humor. It doesn't matter if I am making jokes about JFK Jr. listening to John Denver when his plane crashed or more eco-friendly humor about a bear wiping his ass with a rabbit, she laughs regardless. She actually laughs with her whole body and then says, "I Love It!" It's very reaffirming.

1. When I first started this blog I emailed everyone I knew. Liz was the first, and very few, to read it and comment, besides my mother. She has never stopped. For a long time it seemed like she was the only person reading. One day out of the blue Othurme showed up, and through his blog I found Red and Fringes, from whom I would eventually stalk meet a lot of our regular, and most beloved reader/commenters. Although our supporters have grown, pretty much every post I write still has to meet only one requirement, "Would Liz find this funny?"

16 comments:

heather said...

awww, i'm sorry buddy, i just can't think of you as 'killer' right now, you're more of a silly little puppy who thinks he's a wolf. well put, if i didn't love her already, i would certianly love her after reading this post. :-)

Churlita said...

So, are you gonna ask Liz to borrow some money soon? If I were her, I'd definitely lend you some after this post.

Mel Francis said...

Now I love Liz, too. *sniff*

Jester said...

And they called it puppy luuuuuuuuuv....

What's a guy have to do to get a shout out over here?

Wait, don't answer that. I'm sure it involves your balls.

othurme said...

Are you trying to steer the conversations about Liz away from anal penetration?

Liz said...

Awwwww.... I'm so touched by this post! You HAVE been dissing me in public. Remember Billy Madison? I, much like Steve Buscemi applying lipstick while reviewing his "People to Get Revenge On" list, forgive you.

Thanks for your excessively kind and exaggerated words. I'm not posting until this weekend so that THIS post can be visited and seen by all.

:)

If you come back with some smartass post about how none of this is actually true, the potato in the butt thing is ON.

Killer said...

I do owe you a shout out Jester, but I mentioned the other three, because they really were pretty much the first people, that we did not know, to keep commenting.

Burg said...

Awww..

You big ole teddy bear!!

chad said...

as a non-blogger, i have to ask--is blog technology advanced enough to block liz from posting as killer?

briliantdonkey said...

nice post......

wow,,, you REALLY don't want to pay her back that money you owe her do you?

ahem.....NOT that I don't believe evvery word to be true liz! Put the potato down!

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

How can anyone not love Liz now?

Mayren said...

awww - i'm happy you two are going to get married in Vegas. It's fitting. You had me at hello?

side note: I dig the internal advertising. Smoooth.

Kim said...

Well put, Killer. I wholeheartedly agree. If I could verbalize myself like that, I would blog about Liz too. However, I can't help think you're plotting to take my 'BFF' title ... or maybe you just need a place to crash tonight.

Chris said...

As your sister it is ok to tell you to remove your heard from Liz's ass now. All that meet Liz adore her sense of humor. Now you have put it in print

traumarn said...

Man, you had me going until the whole naked in the sheets thing, Killer. Now, we all know that related to your body hair issue that Liz, would in no doubt, place something slick onto her bed, out ouf fear for your safety and finding you attached at the body hair if she were yourfriend. However i think that the beercoasters that light up would be worth the ensuing pain!

fringes said...

Very very nice. So nice that you can sleep naked on my guest sheets any time you like.