Friday, March 30, 2007

Weeding out the sensitive readers

Work was a bitch last night and I did not get to write anything. I was driving home and I really did feel bad for not writing anything. I thought to myself. I usually manage to think of SOMETHING that is at least remotely inappropriate for public domain. So in order to rest easier and better stick to my goal of posting everyday (except Saturday and Sunday, in case I become an Orthodox Jew, A Seventh Day Adventist, a Catholic or possibly a league bowler, I want to have my options open), I would post a collection of offensive and totally inappropriate jokes.

What is better than having sex with a seven year old boy?

What is red, bubbly and scratches at your window?
A baby in a microwave.

Why do rednecks never marry virgins?
If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours.

How is riding a moped similar to having sex with a fat chick?
They are both fun to ride until a friend sees you.

What has a million legs but still can't walk?
Jerry's Kids.

What goes hoppity clank, hoppity clank, hoppity clank?
The Easter Bunny with polio.

What do you call the Easter Bunny with herpes?
Peter Rotten Tail.

There is enough diversity here to offend almost everyone.
Enjoy, and thanks for reading Killer Rants.


laughingattheslut said...

I suppose if you really wanted to offend people, you could change your icon.

Maybe a picture of something lower than your face.

mist1 said...

C'mon, nobody gets Polio anymore. Not even bunnies.

Churlita said...

I can't believe you couldn't even think of one thing to say about your balls today.

othurme said...

What did Killer say when he was done having sex?

Get off me Pa, you're crushing my smokes!

Woman with kids said...

so...very...wrong. And still? I laughed. I mean, a bunny with polio? How will he deliver my chocolate cadbury eggs?

Mel Francis said...

now you've gone and hurt my fuckin' feelings. Goddammit.

laughingattheslut said...

I think that is just what you get for stopping at a touchy-feely blog and sharing. You should have known better.

dmarks said...

Change-your-avatar day is coming soon anyway.

chad said...

in keeping it offensive,
this one worked much better before the untimely demise of the original superman, but here goes:
'Who is the oppisite of Christopher Reeve?'
'Christopher Walken.'

Chris said...

I LOVED the ..if she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for me. Ray frequently says that!!

Thanks Bro

heather said...

i see a thriving t-shirt business in your future should you ever decide to stop nursing :-)
btw, hfuwv was my word verification. how fitting is that lol