Friday, March 23, 2007

I can feel your heart beat

Liz opens up and says AHHHHHHH:

I love that preview. It can mean so many things. Today I am referencing this week's trip to the doctor (remember the sinus and ear infections?)

Recently, I have started trying to use ONE general practice doctor instead of the strip mall medical clinics we have around town. I would like to build a relationship where I can simply call the doctor and have him call in a script for me when I'm sick. I realize this type of relationship takes years to establish, but I can be a patient patient.

My concern is that I have not picked a very good doctor on which to place all of my bets.This guy is extremely frazzled, sort of like a mad scientist, and I don't think all the questions he asks me are related to my health. I theorize that he likes knowing intimate details about people and uses his lab coat as a gateway to get information. For example, how does the question, "Are you sexually active?" help him realize that I have a sinus infection?

During one visit he was going to take my blood pressure. He said, "Please remove your shirt," in reference to the over shirt I had on. So I did. He then said, "That's the best part about being a doctor. I tell people to take their clothes off and they do." Ok. That's sort of funny, but that humor is best reserved for two people who know each other, not so appropriate for a new patient/doctor icebreaker.

He was writing a prescription for an antibiotic and asked, "Is there a chance you are pregnant?" I said, "No. No chance." Then he took his stethoscope and put it on my stomach and said, "I hear a heart beat." I said, "I thought that steak was a little undercooked," and he laughed. He hadn't heard anything, of course, but still made that comment.

When he wrote the prescription he added a couple of things to it that have nothing to do with the reason I was there. I didn't ask for these medications, he just gave them to me. He gave me a prescription of a gout medicine that I already have a prescription for and he gave me a 1-month, no refill script for another medicine that I already have a prescription for. No good prescriptions, like pain pills, just useless prescriptions. I already have them on file and he was NOT the doctor that wrote them the first go around. He didn't even ask if I wanted or needed them refilled. He just wrote them. Weird.

My plan is to either find a new doctor or to milk this one for what it's worth. I think he is a very caring doctor, I just think that he is socially awkward. VERY socially awkward. He told me that he was a bit of a nerd. Really? I would have never guessed! He is eccentric. He gets focused on one thing (like your face) and doesn't break concentration. He is very bright, but he doesn't always know where the line of social acceptance is. He sort of reminds me of what Clib would have turned out like if he hadn't had cool friends like me and Killer when he was growing up. :) (Actually, I say that more because he looks like Clib than because he acts like Clib... Although....)

I would like to keep going to him (sort of) but I would like for his odd line of questioning to stop. I think I'm going to ask for an HIV, Gonorrhea, and Crabs test. Maybe then he'll keep a safe distance and think twice before asking me to take my clothes off.


Churlita said...

Yeah, but on the bright side. If you can get him to prescribe you something fun, he'll just keep refilling it without asking any questions. That way you won't need to pull an Elvis and break your own arm to get more.

mist1 said...

My doctor has the same last name as a sexy Hollywood celebrity. He is nothing like the sexy celeb. My first appointment was very disappointing.

Killer said...

I think the STD tests are not a good idea. Once he knows you are clean, he might step up his efforts.

IF you are clean, that is.

dmarks said...

Don't take the crabs test after eating at Red Lobster.

chad said...

i agree with killer that the std tests are a bad idea. he might be encouraged once he realizes how easy you are.