Monday, March 26, 2007

My Condolences to Ray Ray's Reproductive Capabilities

Killer typing with one hand, while protecting the boys with the other

My favorite sister in the entire world, as I have been repeatedly informed of since birth, recently shared with me a very delicate piece of information. It is an undertaking her husband, my brother-in-law, and every one's favorite Cajun, Ray Ray, has allowed.

It would be unbecoming of me, not to mention an affront to my vast medical training, to discuss, in a public forum, someone else's medical maladies. However, considering the particular body parts in question, I am certain it will become clear why I, of all people, could not resist the airing of grievances.

Ray Ray had a vasectomy. He has Sacrificed his Sack, Hacked his Huevos, Allowed his Junk out of Juxtaposition, and my favorite, Made a Vast Difference Within his Vas Deferens.

That is love, baby. I personally won't even carry a pocket knife out of an irrational fear of sharp objects within a close proximity to my beloved balls. To pay someone to slice and dice the one area of my body which is the last thing I tuck in at night and the first thing I scratch in the morning, is an alien concept to me. If I were to awaken in the hospital, after a prolonged coma, with the doctor looking at me to grimly say, "Killer, after the freak accident we had to amputate both your legs and both your hands," I would reach down with both nubs, rub my nuts for good luck and say, "That's okay, we'll get by."

I only wish I could be there in person to see Ray Ray reclined gingerly in his favorite chair, in his underwear as usual, but with a giant bag of frozen peas placed, ever so gently, upon his groin.

Ray Ray, I wish you a speedy and steadfast recovery. It is going to be mighty uncomfortable atop that riding lawn mower for a spell. Maybe you can convince your wife to get out there in your place. You should probably avoid scratching the effected area for a few weeks, you would not want to damage those really small sutures. That would be the hardest part for myself. It is like asking the sun not to shine, or the wind not to blow.


Liz said...

Considering that Kade is a brand new baby and that Ray has had his ability to reproduce nixed, I would guess that things aren't going well? Usually it's after 2 or 3 or 4 kids that a man will consent to ball slicing. Little Kade must take after his uncle killer and be one hell of a kid.

Churlita said...

I can't imagine how wonderful it would be not to have to worry about birth control ever again.

Natalie said...

My 6th grade teacher brought in a tape of his "procedure" and it was traumatic. He was fired.

mist1 said...

I just found out that I could have my tubes tied for the price of 16 months worth of birth control. I feel like such a fool.

rayray said...

You can have the big "V" done for less than $500.00 Thank you for talking about my balls.

Mayren said...

A Vast Difference indeed.

Chris said...

What can I say, Ray Ray loves me. ALso he has decided he only has one other person to compete for my attention!!