Friday, May 25, 2007

It's Time For Androgyny

Killer appreciates hermaphrodites

Androgynous vs. Erogenous

At work I was recently accosted by a fellow nurse. She is in her late fifties, recently divorced and now seeing a new beau. She is excited by the prospects of a new relationship, and all the “perks” that come with such. She had me cornered and decided I am open minded enough to hear about her and the new guy’s explorations in the bedroom. I was trying my best to seem as uninterested as possible and hoping she would stop filling my head with the image of middle aged sex romps when she said something that caught my attention. “…the Joy of Sex mentions the importance of your lover’s androgynous zones.” I immediately perked up, “What?” This caused her to mistakenly think I was interested in the conversation. “The androgynous zones are special sexually exciting spots on your body. Everyone has them; you just have to find them.” I paused, searched my built in dictionary to make sure I was not the one who was confused, “So, your new boyfriend has some androgynous regions?” She smiled coyly, “Oh yes, he is very androgynous.” As if that exchange wasn’t strange enough, “I can’t wait to meet this highly androgynous guy. What’s his name?” She looked me square in the eye and said, “His name is Pat.” At this point I just had to walk away. I could not decide if was just messing with me, or if this was some sort of twilight zone conversation.

Apparently my sudden departure gave her cause for concern. She would later come to me and earnestly request my forgiveness for making me uncomfortable with her talk of her sexual escapades. She then repeatedly apologized for telling me about Pat’s “highly androgynous body”, and that if he knew that anyone else knew, he would be very embarrassed. I told her not to worry, if he is that androgynous, everyone probably already noticed.

By the end of the shift I was feeling guilty; because it was obvious she was still worried about having offended my sensitive nature. I got online and printed up the definition of Androgynous and the definition for Erogenous. I put them on her desk when she wasn’t looking, as I headed out the door. I did not want to stick around to see her reaction. I have never met “Pat” so maybe she actually did mean androgynous.

9 comments:

wreckless said...

I find people's word confusion hillarious. I would've probably busted out when "pat" was uttered. My brother in law says Pacific instead of specific. I am tempted to drop him an anonymous note also.

laughingattheslut said...

There used to be this book called Know Your Erroneous Zones. The book cover was a picture of the author with a stupid grin on his face. It just looked to me like he was thinking of erogenous zones, and my slightly dyslexic brain would read Know Your Erogenous Zones.

Or maybe my mind was just in the gutter to start with.

heather said...

lol, so what happened next? did she ever clarify or remain silent on the matter?

Natalie said...

I would have had to tell her after the Pat comment because I would have been laughing so hard there would have been no option but to explain. Awesome.

Churlita said...

Maybe you should have started talking about your balls, and see if she found that as interesting as you found her sex talk.

Babybull40 said...

That sounds like something I would get confused about...Nah.. not really.. Funny shit.. I needed a good laugh..

dmarks said...

Laughing: I used to work in a bookstore, and we sold that book. And yes we got the title intentionally wrong.

What is even worse is the martial arts section. Lots of Kung Fu books. There was a nice hand-made sign "Marital Arts". We snickered too much over that one too.

laughingattheslut said...

I bet some of those kung fu guys do just fine with the marital arts.

dmarks said...

Probably not the ninjas, though. Those are the guys that you are never suppose to know that they were even there.