Monday, May 14, 2007

Welcome Confused Gyno Patients

Killer, taking advantage of young women’s fears.

Sitemeter is an amazing tool. Not only does it tell me how many people are coming by everyday, but it tells me how they got here. If you just type in killerific.blogspot.com, then it doesn’t tell me anything, but if you come from a link, or if you come from a google search, it will tell me what referred you to me. Google searches are my favorite.

It doesn’t just say, “Referred from Google.” It tells me exactly what words were put in to find Killer Rants. I can even see where we rank in that particular search, and what city/state/country they are searching from.. This is useful information because it shows what sort of people we are attracting and what kind of image we are portraying. Unfortunately, we seem to attract a bunch of weirdoes, and I think we appear to be a perverse forum, full of balls and gynecological information.

I would like to share with you, my favorite and most loyal group of weirdoes, the google searches that bring wackos and innocent, confused young girls here alike.

The following is a sampling of google hits from two days. We average about 30 google hits a day, and the hits are only the ones where we showed up in a search and then the searcher mistakenly clicked on our link, thinking it would offer some valuable insight.

We will begin with the bizarre:
-dilbert passionate guy curse fluorescent- someone in Plano, TX, was possibly looking for a fellow office light hating man. Oddly we were number two in the ranking, much higher than any of the actual Dilbert sites.

-comb over types don’t wear drawers- no location on this search, but I am worried about this person, because it seems like less of a search and more of an observation being offered to google.

-pantiehose with no toes for fatties- I don’t know what I hate more, discrimination against the obese, or poor spelling, but when I wear pantyhose the least of my concerns is the toe area. My main focus is the heat generated around my testicles.

-ralpf macchio- courtesy of a Karate Kid fan in Romania, I can honestly say I have no earthly clue how this lead to us, but I like to “wax on” AND “wax off” so I appreciate the connection.

-laid on her side enema- I don’t know what the hell is going on in Tacoma, WA, but is sounds like my kind of place.

We had a lot of repeat hits from two topics in particular, both courtesy of posts by Liz.

There were probably four hits each day containing the words, Pimp My Ride. I can not imagine the level of disappointment when they realized we have not one single picture of a car, pimped or not.

More impressively are the number of hits generated by one innocent post by Liz about her trepidation over a gynecologist visit.
-gyno exam shy girl shaved- from cape coral, Fl.
-real gyno med- from parts unknown. Goodness, are they using fake ones?
-teenager trip to gyno- a frightened and scared young girl (hopefully a girl and not some perv guy) from Elmhurst, NY. (we are ranked number one!)
-embarrassing gyno experiences- from Laredo, TX. I thought they were all embarrassing.
-gyno visit takes clothes off- more porn seeking, but this time in Bossier City, LA.
-shave on gyno table- unknown location, but we are not only the top ranked site, but we have the top TWO spots. WELCOME FUTURE DATELINE NBC ONLINE PREDATORS.

There was no shortage of the sexually oriented
-female moose knuckle- from a concerned citizen in Huntington Station, NY. We must thank Jester for giving us this nugget.
-hottie doctors in panty hose- somewhere, USA. Why is everyone suddenly into pantyhose?
-big lovin.com- all the way from Burdur, Turkey. I am probably to blame for this one.
-ass flowers- no location, but this one must have been particularly upsetting, since it links to a picture of my ass with crudely drawn flowers. Really, check the “best of” section.
-forced lesbianism- a female in Budd Lake, NJ., might be about to start a prison sentence.
-wonder jock- all the way from Singapore. Liz’s research into this item is a continued theme. We get a few hits a month for this topic. We should get some royalties.
-attractiveness of Filipinos- someone actually in the Philippines looked this up. You would think they could just walk outside and see the locals to answer this question.

I could obviously go on forever, but I don’t want to keep you guys from searching google with random words to see what pops up. As a matter of fact, I think I will work on that next. I am going to type in strange words and see what blogs come up. Maybe some of you guys are there. I know Othurme keeps bragging about being number one for “How to eat Coochie”.

8 comments:

laughingattheslut said...

So far I have not done any of this tracking stuff. I said I was going to write what I was going to write and I don't care who is reading it. If I knew certain people were reading or if more people were reading certain mosts, it might change what I write.

A few weeks ago I found out a certain person was reading and added two posts because of it. While it was good to get that off my chest, I still think that the original idea was best.

Klingon proverb--"If I did not want it heard, I would not have said it" or something like that. That still seems the way to go.

But this Sitemeter thing does sound like a lot of fun after reading your post.

Babybull40 said...

I too haven't attempted tracking.. but I do know when I type in Babybull40.. A bunch of stuff comes up for my site.. I have yet to notice any weirdos.. How about toe sucking enemas with toeless pantyhose..That one I've got to try...

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I, too, had no idea how popular pantyhose searches were...until I posted something on the topic myself. Of course, my post also mentioned something about whores, so I get perverted visitors for that one;>

mist1 said...

If NBC produced Wonder Jock on Thursday nights, I would totally watch it.

laughingattheslut said...

I still think Killer should have an advice column.

I Told You So is a lot of fun, but she just doesn't have Killer's expertise in some areas.

Natalie said...

Those are really fun. After a post I wrote about snow melting and it revealing tons of dog poop combined with some song lyric with the word baby and strings in it I have been getting a lot of hits about black strings in baby poop and various permutations of the topic. Very creepy.

Your hits are much more fun.

othurme said...

That's right. Search it, baby! How To Eat Coochie! #1!!!!

othurme said...

And that's despite the fact that Liz tried to steal the title from me on March 27 in her post Accidental Tourist.